Repentance: Turning away from sin and towards Christ.

Posted at 2:44am ...
It's always easier to talk and assume when things hit you'd respond to it right.

But it's different when that very thing you advise your friend to do is something that gets right up in your own grill. This is when you get to see whether the words you say are words that you yourself believe.

I feel like (I'm starting to get a lot more cautious about opening with this phrase) I'm running away from what I know God's called me to do. I'll go back and forth about it. But sometimes you just start to think ... what do I think the most about? What gives you the most joy? What tears you up the most?

I'm scared. I'm scared to face some deep heart issues. I'd rather run from them, deny they exist, and build myself up by comparing myself with others that appear to be lesser than me. If that sounds conceited/selfish/wretched/pharisee-like, it's probably because it is.

God's still working on this horrifically wretched heart. God, help me.

...
Posted at 4:16am ...

Repentance has never looked so beautiful and clear as it is now.


This year's lesson: The more I see the wretched humanity in me and not just in other people, the more I see/cling/bow before/find peace and rest in Jesus ... who loved/loves me regardless.

"He must increase, but I must decrease."
-John 3:30
(I've had this verse posted at the top left corner of my xanga for years but never has it been fleshed out so clearly. Praise God.)