Hiding Behind the Curtain of Religion

I was dozing on and off (and I got more rest than usual! gahhh!) in my philosophy and religion class today and the topic was the existence of evil and the implications of that with the existence of God. It got me thinking and recalling some of the things I had learned in a book I have called "The Reason for God" by Tim Keller. After looking through the chapter on suffering (I think I'll have fun with the paper that's due sometime soon ...), I began flipping through the pages and came across a profound truth from looking at the story of Jekyll and Hyde (it's blowing my mind right now) but as I kept reading I saw this underlined section:

"Sin and evil are self-centeredness and pride that lead to oppression against others but there are two forms of this. One form is being very bad and breaking all the rules, and the other form is being very good and keeping all the rules and becoming self-righteous. There are two ways to be your own Savior and Lord. The first is by saying, "I am going to live my life the way I want." The second is described by Flannery O'Connor, who wrote about one of her characters, Hazel Motes, that "he knew that the best way to avoid Jesus was to avoid sin." If you are avoiding sin and living morally so that god will have to bless and save you, then ironically, you may be looking to Jesus as a teacher, model, and helper but you are avoiding him as Savior. You are trusting in your own goodness rather than in Jesus for your standing with god. You are trying to save yourself by following Jesus."

I forget who said that "religion can be the very thing we use to run away from God" ... but I think if I'm honest, I have been running ... and I guess, by grace, I'm running out of gas.

I wrote a paper last year titled "Easier to Run," titled after a Linkin Park song of all things haha. It still holds true. I've been hiding behind the curtain of my religiosity. And as much as I use my theology to cover it up and justify my religion by saying how "Christocentric" and "Gospel-centered" this and that is, in the end, I'm using the name of Jesus to justify my sin in order to avoid him at all costs. "The best way to avoid Jesus is to avoid sin ... [I'm] trying to save [myself] by following Jesus." Jesus, save me from me. Tear the veil that I try my damnedest to hide behind.

"And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed."
-John 3:19-20