More than mere confession.

We can say "We have sinned" (Numbers 14:40, Deuteronomy 1:41), and yet still turn back from following the LORD (Numb. 14:43).

In my journey through Numbers and Deuteronomy, as well as life in general, I've been learning that repentance involves more than mere confession of sin. Scripture seems to be pressing more tightly on me that repentance demands direct action and obedience in faith. This is where it gets hard for me. I know that continual repentance is essential ("When our Lord and Master, Jesus Christ, said "Repent", He called for the entire life of believers to be one of repentance" ... Thanks Luther), and the thing is I'm a good confessor ... I really am haha. But this is where it gets really difficult for me. This is where I usually file a sin deep into the back, hoping to forget it's there and that it will somehow die on its own. This is my sin. Towards the second half of the semester on, God's been resurfacing some brokenness and sin that I didn't know was there ... Sins and situations that I didn't know I was still hurting from ... People I need to reconcile with. The other night I got out of bed and finally wrote down people's names that I needed to ask forgiveness from and people I needed to forgive. That list still remains with little progress.

I know, in the end, this is for my joy and liberation yet my heart doesn't believe it. I can blame it on my mind going "but these people will totally go haywire and think I'm some sort of freak if I do this ... I mean it was 'no big deal' Jon. Let it go. You'll forget about it soon enough," but in the end, I just have a hard time believing God knows what's best for me. I think I know better. Father, help my unbelief. I want to walk in obedience. I really do and I can't seem to do what I want to do and the sin I don't want to do, I keep doing. So help this sinner. Help Your untrusting Son's unrepentant heart. Grant me repentance that leads to LIFE.
-Jon