The Charge (part 1)

"I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom: preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths. As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry."
-2 Timothy 4:1-5

I know the charge, the good deposit entrusted to me and for now, I'm asking myself what it really means to play the background. I think it's finally sinking in, but what if pastoring is simply God's path for my sanctification? What if it's just where He has me? What if it never does get to the point where my name isn't famous, and I'm not the guy on the big stages, but I'm the average pastor? Would I still be as fired up about this? Do I still love ministry if numerical growth wasn't in the picture? if I wasn't the guy that got talked about? Heh. I know it's where He has me in the future, God willing, but I think the hardest thing about all of this is that distorted desire to make much of my name and feel like ... something.

Father, You've done great work in pruning me these 3+ years. Keep sifting my soul. I don't want to gain all this stuff at the cost of my soul. I don't want to get everything and find myself without You. Jesus, be my ultimate treasure. I'm prone to make this about me and I don't want to think that I'll just be able to handle it when it gets more dangerous in the future. Put it to death in me now. I pray that ministry will never be the end goal, will never be where I find my identity. Jesus, it's you I'm after. It's you I want my heart to want more. Help me abide. You're where joy is. Help me for the sake of my joy and for the advancement of the gospel. You don't need me at all. Help me remember this.

Thanks for loving me first.
-Jon