Unbelief

"The degree to which you enjoy the praise of people is the same degree to which their criticism will wreck you." - Britt Merrick

I'm a slave to the approval of man. This, deeper than basketball, is the root of the most rampant sin in my life. My heart will long and lust after anything that might help me believe I'm worth something or that I am somebody worth talking about. Of course WHEN those things that I invested in to build me my identity fail, I bicker, become enraged, lash out, etc. It's like I feel betrayed ... I did my end of the deal and what's to show for it but just a weight of emptiness? In the end, I know it's a lack of belief in the gospel ... that Jesus' accomplishment through his cross and resurrection already achieved my acceptance before the most fearful and wonderful to be accepted of. I love this gospel and I want to dedicate my life to heralding it and living in step with it but in this moment, I find it hard to believe. I find Jesus hard to trust when he said "It is finished."

To an extent I've always known this idolatry in me but by grace, maybe today is the day I declare war on it. Maybe tonight is the night I start to pray that I might take steps towards putting it to death through the cross of Jesus. Maybe tonight, I don't just put it off to be dealt with tomorrow. Oh God, help me. Jesus uproot this filth in my heart and replace it with the fullness and freedom of being in Christ. By the cross I know that I am more accepted and loved than I could ever dare to hope but my heart has trouble believing such good news. Save me from myself and my heart's tendencies to run from You. Be enough.

"Father, I believe. Help me with my unbelief!"" (Mark 9:24)