Week 2 Update

As it's nearing the end of week #2, all I can say is that God is good, the gospel of Jesus is powerful, and there's much work left here to do.

It's a crazy thing that as a super senior I think I have it all figured out ... at least what college is and what to expect ... only to see more of my pride, more of my unbelief, and more of my own self-dependence and cowardice. Heh, God's been pinning the word "IDENTITY" back into my world and at first glance I think I already got it ... I've heard the sermons, listened to Lecrae's song about it (shout it and prayers go out for Him and the ministry God's given him), but I'm finding my heart wanting to drift to so many other things to base my identity off of. Whether it's on the good side or the bad side of the spectrum, this is the state of my heart. He's still working it out ... that the gospel is something I still very much need to sanctify me.

On another note, if you glance at this, pray for courage and energy. I may sound old for saying this but I find myself spiritually tired ... in that I just find myself wanting to push away from gospel intentionality. I just want to be alone sometimes, just want to read a book (sometimes even my Bible) to get away from investing in people's lives and getting in their mess. Sometimes I want to just do religious things to run from that discomfort of engaging in mission and obedience. Honestly, I just find myself not wanting to do it anymore. "I've poured so much" is what I hear myself saying and I just need prayer to not believe the lie that I've finished my course here at Baylor. Truth is, there are multitudes of people who have never heard the gospel here at Baylor, countless who still think Christianity is just about being moral people, and so many more who are bitter against the church. And sometimes, it overwhelms me ... almost into despair that things wont change, hearts wont be transformed, and people wont ever "get it."

That was a little more honest than I wanted to be with this post but that's where I am sometimes.

Heh.

It's an interesting thing. In the end, God saves, God transforms, God will be the glorious one, not me.

Jesus, call your sheep by name. Some are so lost. I feel guilty and sometimes helpless when I see it, so help me with my unbelief. Open up my hands to speak and my hands to serve in love. Don't let me believe the father of lies and his pathetic words. I just want You to take off here. Inflame my heart for it. Thank You for the cross, for purchasing me with Your blood, for bringing in the new covenant that grants life. Thank You that came to rescue sinners.
-Jon