Grocery Shopping?

I have to confess that I cry a lot more these days (no I didn't cry just now from writing this). But sometimes the story of God is too good to be true and our past's inability to receive it for so long makes the slightest unveilings of the story spectacular. I don't know ... But I think each of our (Christian) stories is a retelling of the greatest one and to see that for myself, particularly this past semester, has been painful, revealing, freeing. The following is something I wrote about 3+ months ago ... and it stirred something in me that led me to write this particular experience to my mama for Mother's Day:

[Today was my Sabbath day aka my free day where I didn't have to go to school or church but just stayed home, did some chores and listened to music. I eventually made my way to Wal-Mart to get a few items that I've been needing. Couple of binders, some white tees, socks and some toilet paper ... you know ... the regular shopping list of an unorganized kid trying to become an adult. It was a weird moment but as I heard of the conversations of a mom asking her son what kind of socks to get him, it made me recall all those times where my mom would take me and Chris grocery shopping. Where we would hide in clothing racks and wait for her to find us, where I would complain at how long it was taking to get all these groceries, where me and Chris would beg her for totally unnecessary purchases ... (usually Chris would always be about some gum or whatever the cool kids at school were bringing to class). It reminded me of all those times where I would try to educate my mom on how to more efficiently shop (why was she taking so much time browsing from one end of the store to the other only to do it all over again??? Just get yo items and bounce Ma!). It reminded me of when dad and mom would visit me in Waco and though it wasn't necessary to go to the store (after all I could get what I wanted and they'd end up paying for it on the credit card anyway), we'd still find ourselves at the Wal-Mart.

I remember this past summer when I was in El Paso and living on my own. I didn't go to the store often because frankly, I bought a lot of fast food during those 2 months ... but when I did make it to the HEB, I remember thinking "whoa, I'm by myself now." I mean in college it was somewhat like this but I was with my roommates and friends all the time and we would go together ... And I guess since moving out here to LA, I've gotten used to this seemingly monotonous chore. It's what normal people do after all. But I guess this time I just found myself thinking back to those times where I would totally troll my mom at the grocery store with some lame joke, ask her some ridiculous question, or whatever before moving on and helping her put the stuff in the car. But now it's different. And maybe the reason why I'm expending so much space typing this out is because I've equated the "independent" life with "loneliness." Part of growing up is not having the support of the family to lean on for everything anymore. Though my mom and dad are still alive and kicking, they're not here with me. And to be honest, since taking the internship at El Paso, there have been a handful of moments where I have found myself thinking at how sad this would look if anyone else saw it. Simple tasks that need to get done like grocery shopping or eating lunch become episodes that only remind you of your loneliness.

It's made me think, however. Especially after finishing college, how do young adults cope with this problem? This post was just about a reflection on grocery shopping ... and how much I miss my parents and I guess it's made me think "how many of are there who also go through these seemingly monotonous chores of life and feel this way ... feel so alone, getting through their job, finding ways to keep them going or things to get excited about in the future?" How many go to sleep every day with these similar experiences but no church, no community, and no God with them? By the grace of God I have met great people who also have been made alive together with Christ, a church I not only "work" for but have a community to do life with. And on top of that I'm graced to serve with and under one of my first mentors growing up.

So how does this work if Christ isn't a reality in life? How many countless people go to sleep every night with the big questions of life unanswered and with the only voice to comfort them being their own? How do the middle-class average Americans like us make it through the day (I'm aware this may seem like a "boo hoo existential crisis" post)? Is it really just accepting the cold reality that life is tough, and to keep telling ourselves to endure? Or does this force us on this frantic search to find that special someone to share the loneliness with only to find that they can't fill the void? Do we explore new areas of life we haven't yet seen, get into new scenes and scores of people with new things to do? And what then? What then after?

Holy Spirit, come. Open the eyes of the blind, call into repentance the laziness of the church. We need the gospel to comfort us absolutely, to remind us that we really are ALIVE in Christ, but we also need to recognize that there are scores of people working next to us, serving us at restaurants, brewing us coffee, that need to know that "this" stuff isn't all there is. There's so much more. Church, let's get to work.]

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Father, stir in us, challenge us, convict us. We're alive but sometimes we view the world exactly the same as those who don't know You at all, as if we're still deadened to Your reality and presence. Let us have the courage to remember the gospel of Christ. Grant it.]