Sometimes the gospel is almost too good to be true. I have a hard time believing it, as much as I thought I knew it so well.
In the end, it's just a simple truth that my pride doesn't want to hear: He loves me.
About Me
- JonLau910
- "The good, bad, ugly, Lord use it. I just want You to be glorified through it." -Andy Mineo
Monday, January 3, 2011
Sunday, December 26, 2010
My perfect, spotless righteousness.
Praise Christ.
For the righteous requirement of the law was fulfilled in Christ. That God's demand of holiness, of perfection, of spotlessness, was met in the perfect, spotless lamb of God, Jesus of Nazareth. Alleluia. Christ, your humility, your obedience, I pray that you'd create such in my rebellious, lustful heart. Thank you for getting torn in two at the cross. I have no shot if I'm banking on me. Thank You for showing me that if not for your mercy, I am hopeless. Thank you for granting me a righteousness not of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ. Thank you Jesus for being my righteousness.
My debt has been paid! And not only is my record paid in full but it is replaced with a perfect one. For this I am grateful. Increase my joy in You Father. You orchestrate all of this so well. Glorify Your magnificent name. Magnify the riches of Your worth. Create in us new hearts. Write the law on them. Create a heart of worship. Praise be to Your holy name.
It was an interesting week in DC for christmas week, but God read this over me:
"For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life."
-Titus 3:3-7
This saying is trustworthy. Praise Christ.
I beg You Holy Spirit, renew some that are at this moment in bondage to what they're told will satisfy, absolve, and redeem. They need You to wake them, to resurrect them from the dead. Jesus be our treasure. To know you is to live. I pray they'd choose to live. For the glory of Your holy and precious name, Amen.
For the righteous requirement of the law was fulfilled in Christ. That God's demand of holiness, of perfection, of spotlessness, was met in the perfect, spotless lamb of God, Jesus of Nazareth. Alleluia. Christ, your humility, your obedience, I pray that you'd create such in my rebellious, lustful heart. Thank you for getting torn in two at the cross. I have no shot if I'm banking on me. Thank You for showing me that if not for your mercy, I am hopeless. Thank you for granting me a righteousness not of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ. Thank you Jesus for being my righteousness.
My debt has been paid! And not only is my record paid in full but it is replaced with a perfect one. For this I am grateful. Increase my joy in You Father. You orchestrate all of this so well. Glorify Your magnificent name. Magnify the riches of Your worth. Create in us new hearts. Write the law on them. Create a heart of worship. Praise be to Your holy name.
It was an interesting week in DC for christmas week, but God read this over me:
"For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life."
-Titus 3:3-7
This saying is trustworthy. Praise Christ.
I beg You Holy Spirit, renew some that are at this moment in bondage to what they're told will satisfy, absolve, and redeem. They need You to wake them, to resurrect them from the dead. Jesus be our treasure. To know you is to live. I pray they'd choose to live. For the glory of Your holy and precious name, Amen.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Growing Pains
I thought that the religiosity of my flesh would filter out such honesty.
Been praying for awhile for God to expose me where I can't see my sin and He has exposed me of my rivalry, the specific fruit of my pride. I often want to be seen as the most far along, the most spiritual, the most mature Christ-follower. I enjoy being the guy that knows more Bible than you. I enjoy answering questions and pointing Bible references. I like it ... too much. So when I don't get the fame and credit, I pout and judge others as not as good as Jon Lau. I withdraw from crowds as a way of putting me right in the middle of the room and call it biblical. Sound like a particular manipulative group of people in the Bible? But ya ... This is my heart, filth and all. I find that when I echo the thoughts of my heart verbally, I'm devastated and somehow shocked to find that I want my name to be known and remembered and I absolutely crave the praise of men. Like, I really like it when someone sees me with a little bit of awe. I want that and I find my heart going "did so and so see me do that?" "I wonder if anyone will see my pain and suffering in this moment so that they can see I'm suffering for the sake of the gospel ... " It's like I want to build up a resume of spirituality and blasphemously clothe the humble "Christ alone" language to my blog entries. I thought that the religiosity of my flesh would filter out such honesty. This is just the echoings of my heart. The one today? "Jon, no one knows the pains of ministry and the needs of others like you. No one's seen it like you. No one loves the gospel and stands in it like you. No one distrusts their opinions under the weight and authority of scripture like you Jon. Nah, you're by yourself in that. But what can you do but pray? Maybe they'll get there. Just keep going." This is me. This is my pride. I tell myself that I'm being humble and that my peers ought to praise me for doing so. Disgusting is it not?
I'm grateful that God doesn't leave me in imagination of my proud, scattered, sinful heart, which would rather keep trucking 100mph blind. I'm grateful that Christ doesn't just dine with the tax collector and sinner but also communes and invites and implores the pharisee. Jon, Christ frees where the law cannot. You don't want the law Jon. Trust scripture. You want Christ, not the law. Understand this you stubborn fool. You want mercy, not self-reliance. Study His holiness and see how far you are from it. You want grace. You want wrath to be averted. You want Jesus. Praise Christ.
*whew* by grace I've been saved. By grace I am being saved. *whew*
Know a big fear of mine? I know a lot of the gospel-centered/Christ-alone/cross of Christ language. I really do. I can tell you what justification is. Substitutionary atonement? Propitiation? Ya I can point you to 1 Cor 15:1-4, and 1 John 4:10. Humility? Philippians 2 son. yee-uh. I'm really good at sounding humble. It's not hard for me. It's easy to emulate the language of humility. Theologically it's not hard. But being humble? That's something else altogether. One thing I've noticed about the pharisees ... They sacrifice the kingdom of God for a mere appearance of it. They make the cross dispensable and in the end, they get what they crave: applause. I think that as honest as I can be, I want that. That scares me how much I want it because I find that the more I read scripture, the more rampant a theme I hear it continually warning me of ... DO NOT BE THEM! YOU DO NOT WANT THAT! IT IS NOT LIFE AT ALL!
Though I found Jesus to be the most harsh (in love) to them, Paul echoes the warning:
"Beware, therefore, lest what is said in the Prophets should come about:
'Look, you scoffers,
be astounded and perish;
for I am doing a work in your days,
a work that you will not believe, even if one tells it to you.'"
-Acts 13:41/Habakkuk 1:5
In the midst of warring with my heart always wanting to score the most points on this sick game of spiritual maturity, I don't want to miss Jesus. God help me. Don't let me miss Jesus. Please. May his cross consume me. May your word be as fire and my pride as the wood. Even as I type all this, part of me thinks I've already arrived at perfection. Protect me Father, lest I walk as an enemy of the cross of Christ. Sanctify me to boast in nothing but that cross. I have no other hope.
Thank You that "It is finished." That when Satan turns truths into half-truths, bringing accusation upon accusation, the fact of the cross shuts him up ... That in the face of my unrepayable debt, I boast not in my failure of a transcript, but in Christ's perfect one.
Thank You Father for sending Your son to die for the sins of the proud.
Help me. Purge me of everything that's hurting me. Thank You for loving me Father.
-Jon
Been praying for awhile for God to expose me where I can't see my sin and He has exposed me of my rivalry, the specific fruit of my pride. I often want to be seen as the most far along, the most spiritual, the most mature Christ-follower. I enjoy being the guy that knows more Bible than you. I enjoy answering questions and pointing Bible references. I like it ... too much. So when I don't get the fame and credit, I pout and judge others as not as good as Jon Lau. I withdraw from crowds as a way of putting me right in the middle of the room and call it biblical. Sound like a particular manipulative group of people in the Bible? But ya ... This is my heart, filth and all. I find that when I echo the thoughts of my heart verbally, I'm devastated and somehow shocked to find that I want my name to be known and remembered and I absolutely crave the praise of men. Like, I really like it when someone sees me with a little bit of awe. I want that and I find my heart going "did so and so see me do that?" "I wonder if anyone will see my pain and suffering in this moment so that they can see I'm suffering for the sake of the gospel ... " It's like I want to build up a resume of spirituality and blasphemously clothe the humble "Christ alone" language to my blog entries. I thought that the religiosity of my flesh would filter out such honesty. This is just the echoings of my heart. The one today? "Jon, no one knows the pains of ministry and the needs of others like you. No one's seen it like you. No one loves the gospel and stands in it like you. No one distrusts their opinions under the weight and authority of scripture like you Jon. Nah, you're by yourself in that. But what can you do but pray? Maybe they'll get there. Just keep going." This is me. This is my pride. I tell myself that I'm being humble and that my peers ought to praise me for doing so. Disgusting is it not?
I'm grateful that God doesn't leave me in imagination of my proud, scattered, sinful heart, which would rather keep trucking 100mph blind. I'm grateful that Christ doesn't just dine with the tax collector and sinner but also communes and invites and implores the pharisee. Jon, Christ frees where the law cannot. You don't want the law Jon. Trust scripture. You want Christ, not the law. Understand this you stubborn fool. You want mercy, not self-reliance. Study His holiness and see how far you are from it. You want grace. You want wrath to be averted. You want Jesus. Praise Christ.
*whew* by grace I've been saved. By grace I am being saved. *whew*
Know a big fear of mine? I know a lot of the gospel-centered/Christ-alone/cross of Christ language. I really do. I can tell you what justification is. Substitutionary atonement? Propitiation? Ya I can point you to 1 Cor 15:1-4, and 1 John 4:10. Humility? Philippians 2 son. yee-uh. I'm really good at sounding humble. It's not hard for me. It's easy to emulate the language of humility. Theologically it's not hard. But being humble? That's something else altogether. One thing I've noticed about the pharisees ... They sacrifice the kingdom of God for a mere appearance of it. They make the cross dispensable and in the end, they get what they crave: applause. I think that as honest as I can be, I want that. That scares me how much I want it because I find that the more I read scripture, the more rampant a theme I hear it continually warning me of ... DO NOT BE THEM! YOU DO NOT WANT THAT! IT IS NOT LIFE AT ALL!
Though I found Jesus to be the most harsh (in love) to them, Paul echoes the warning:
"Beware, therefore, lest what is said in the Prophets should come about:
'Look, you scoffers,
be astounded and perish;
for I am doing a work in your days,
a work that you will not believe, even if one tells it to you.'"
-Acts 13:41/Habakkuk 1:5
In the midst of warring with my heart always wanting to score the most points on this sick game of spiritual maturity, I don't want to miss Jesus. God help me. Don't let me miss Jesus. Please. May his cross consume me. May your word be as fire and my pride as the wood. Even as I type all this, part of me thinks I've already arrived at perfection. Protect me Father, lest I walk as an enemy of the cross of Christ. Sanctify me to boast in nothing but that cross. I have no other hope.
Thank You that "It is finished." That when Satan turns truths into half-truths, bringing accusation upon accusation, the fact of the cross shuts him up ... That in the face of my unrepayable debt, I boast not in my failure of a transcript, but in Christ's perfect one.
Thank You Father for sending Your son to die for the sins of the proud.
Help me. Purge me of everything that's hurting me. Thank You for loving me Father.
-Jon
Friday, November 26, 2010
Life update.
It's always been hard for me to answer the question "How's life?" because I usually don't know where to start. But today I simply can say that I'm content. I just came back from Access, a youth ministry friday night deal we have back at my home church in Houston and it's just ... encouraging. I love the gospel. I love being around other people who love it too. I love being shaped by fellow guys that stand in it, are stretched by it, and are being sanctified through it. One of the younger middle schoolers was leading worship and he's not the most gifted singer but just as he was leading, I was surrounded by people I love who were clapping, raising their hands and shouting the lyrics of how faithful God's been and is. A bro to the left of me was so exuberant in shouting praise to God that he started repeating the chorus where the worship leader didn't and it was hilarious. There was lots of laughter in worship tonight. Some of my closest friends at Baylor were there today for it too so it was that much more awesome. It so happened that it was a lot of the praise team from AFC there so we ended up jamming for awhile :), and by the end of it people from so many networks of mine were just singing together and praising Jesus Christ and I was just kinda taking it in and smiling (though maybe my demeanor was blank).
Life is hard. The narrow road always will be. The cost of following Jesus is something I keep seeing as serious business. Like ... "lose your life for my sake," "those who love father or mother more than me are not worthy of me" serious. And collide that with just who Jon Lau is ... and produces an incredibly ugly mess. But in between the constant battle against sin, there are subtle things where God whispers to me "see that? ya i know you're a mess. look at what I'm doing. Get in on this. Come to me, and I will bind you up son." There's so much to be said about life and what's going on but I can't but see that God's doing something bigger. I chatted with my dad for a while the other night and honestly, I disagree on A LOT of things but it just got me thinking big picture. Like God's redeeming plan in history big. And I'm freakin excited about not only my part to play in this grand scheme of history but my peers. Of course there are tons of crap to be wary of but God is raising up God-fearing, scripture-loving, disciples of Christ. And for that I'm grateful.
I think 90% of my blogs are always heavily internal and harshly self-examining but I can't help but see that though that stuff is important, maybe I need to take a second to just breathe, trust that GOD, not Jon Lau, is holding the universe together at this very moment, and listen to what He's saying. I want to get in on this. I want Jesus. Nothing else will satisfy. If you stumble upon this and actually read this, would you partner with me in getting on your knees and face and plead for God to glorify His name mightily? Would you implore God, for His namesake, to make some noise? I'm not sure where you're at right now with your walk with God, or what your context looks like but I think there's a unified, deep deep hunger for what this Christianity really is ... I can feel it. I can see it in the eyes of my peers. I'm not sure why but it's just there even when I'm not looking for it. God, shout how awesome You are. My prayer is that You'd rescue sinners ...
I'm grateful that I can honestly say that I rejoice when You are seen as worthy of worship ... When You are seen as supreme. Thank You for saving me Jesus. I was hopeless. I can't believe and am humbled that You call me to be a minister of reconciliation, You making Your appeal through me.
Glorify Your name Jesus.
-Jon
Life is hard. The narrow road always will be. The cost of following Jesus is something I keep seeing as serious business. Like ... "lose your life for my sake," "those who love father or mother more than me are not worthy of me" serious. And collide that with just who Jon Lau is ... and produces an incredibly ugly mess. But in between the constant battle against sin, there are subtle things where God whispers to me "see that? ya i know you're a mess. look at what I'm doing. Get in on this. Come to me, and I will bind you up son." There's so much to be said about life and what's going on but I can't but see that God's doing something bigger. I chatted with my dad for a while the other night and honestly, I disagree on A LOT of things but it just got me thinking big picture. Like God's redeeming plan in history big. And I'm freakin excited about not only my part to play in this grand scheme of history but my peers. Of course there are tons of crap to be wary of but God is raising up God-fearing, scripture-loving, disciples of Christ. And for that I'm grateful.
I think 90% of my blogs are always heavily internal and harshly self-examining but I can't help but see that though that stuff is important, maybe I need to take a second to just breathe, trust that GOD, not Jon Lau, is holding the universe together at this very moment, and listen to what He's saying. I want to get in on this. I want Jesus. Nothing else will satisfy. If you stumble upon this and actually read this, would you partner with me in getting on your knees and face and plead for God to glorify His name mightily? Would you implore God, for His namesake, to make some noise? I'm not sure where you're at right now with your walk with God, or what your context looks like but I think there's a unified, deep deep hunger for what this Christianity really is ... I can feel it. I can see it in the eyes of my peers. I'm not sure why but it's just there even when I'm not looking for it. God, shout how awesome You are. My prayer is that You'd rescue sinners ...
I'm grateful that I can honestly say that I rejoice when You are seen as worthy of worship ... When You are seen as supreme. Thank You for saving me Jesus. I was hopeless. I can't believe and am humbled that You call me to be a minister of reconciliation, You making Your appeal through me.
Glorify Your name Jesus.
-Jon
Monday, November 22, 2010
Happy Thanksgiving?
I find that the more honest I am with myself, the more I see how prone I am to wander, prone to leave the God I love. I chase really silly things, such vain ambitions that never satisfied in the past. I attribute things God has done to foolish things like putting a ball in a hoop. I do whatever it takes to prove myself better than you. I find myself going "did I really just think/say that" frequently. I make other things an end in themselves instead of God as the goal, the prize, the treasure. I pat myself on the back in times of success and pity myself when things get hard. I play serious life things going on in other people as "trivial" and my pride always goes "grow up," as if I'm beyond that. I am constantly on the fringe from being content in God and craving the praise of men. As much as my theology will say to distrust the human heart, I find myself enslaved to its sinful desire to just do whatever it takes to be liked. I hate that I often choose an appearance of Godliness over the real thing. I hate how I compromise.
I'm fearful that I can go days or even weeks (God help me ... maybe longer) with just being okay with Jon Lau's own sin, and not thinking and pressing into the only thing that stands when the storm comes. I find that when I struggle, I run away from God instead of pressing towards Him.
As much as a theology of the cross of Jesus Christ ..., the "It is finished-ness" of the gospel ..., has stirred and stirs my heart's deepest affections, I have a fearfully sharp, whispering thought in my head that constantly puts into question whether my repentance is counterfeit. Just cheap.
Like ... There's been moments in life where when I'm honestly examining my heart and a fearful thing comes upon me where I see just how on the fringe I am in all of this ... Where I literally see the balance between selling out on the Gospel and being a faithful servant ... and how weak I am that literally one thing could tip it over for destruction. Its where all the fruits of sanctification collide with the fact that if not for sheer grace, I am the porn-addict, the guy that cheated on his girl ... I am the apathetic, the bitter, the insecure child that is willing to claw and do anything it takes to gain approval. Like ... if left on my own, I see how effing quick this whole Christianity of mine would plummet. When I'm honest, I see in myself just how quick I'd sell out and compromise the Gospel and the training in Godliness for applause.
By the grace of Jesus Christ, gratitude and thankfulness have much more frequently been my cries in prayer. I don't usually ever say anything about it being thanksgiving and all but since it's coming up, the thing I'm most thankful of is that "He who began a good work will bring it into completion in the day of Christ" (Philippians 1:6). If my working out my own salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:13), were without the next verse ... I'd have no hope. I'm thankful that ultimately it is not Jon Lau but God Himself who works in me, who keeps me. I think the biggest things that held me back from going all in on this Christianity thing is that I knew that "if You get me then I know that You got me." And I've found immense comfort in knowing that His promise of never letting go, of always being faithful to a faithless, stiff-necked sinner, has not been shaken. I know that if led by my hand, this thing would tank so effin fast but I'm grateful it's not in my hands. I'm so effin grateful.
Praise be to the God-man, Jesus Christ who saved a sinner like me. No regrets. I'm thankful. He died the death I should have. He absorbed the wrath due me. He raised for my justification. Praise God. I pray that He'd "get you" too ... I'm pleading that He would call you by name and raise you from the dead the same way He did me. I long for the day that you call Him "abba, father" not as a servant but as an adopted son or daughter. Oh how beautiful is His glorious name. I plead daily that God would have you taste and see that He is good. He is good.
Happy thanksgiving?
-Jon
I'm fearful that I can go days or even weeks (God help me ... maybe longer) with just being okay with Jon Lau's own sin, and not thinking and pressing into the only thing that stands when the storm comes. I find that when I struggle, I run away from God instead of pressing towards Him.
As much as a theology of the cross of Jesus Christ ..., the "It is finished-ness" of the gospel ..., has stirred and stirs my heart's deepest affections, I have a fearfully sharp, whispering thought in my head that constantly puts into question whether my repentance is counterfeit. Just cheap.
Like ... There's been moments in life where when I'm honestly examining my heart and a fearful thing comes upon me where I see just how on the fringe I am in all of this ... Where I literally see the balance between selling out on the Gospel and being a faithful servant ... and how weak I am that literally one thing could tip it over for destruction. Its where all the fruits of sanctification collide with the fact that if not for sheer grace, I am the porn-addict, the guy that cheated on his girl ... I am the apathetic, the bitter, the insecure child that is willing to claw and do anything it takes to gain approval. Like ... if left on my own, I see how effing quick this whole Christianity of mine would plummet. When I'm honest, I see in myself just how quick I'd sell out and compromise the Gospel and the training in Godliness for applause.
By the grace of Jesus Christ, gratitude and thankfulness have much more frequently been my cries in prayer. I don't usually ever say anything about it being thanksgiving and all but since it's coming up, the thing I'm most thankful of is that "He who began a good work will bring it into completion in the day of Christ" (Philippians 1:6). If my working out my own salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:13), were without the next verse ... I'd have no hope. I'm thankful that ultimately it is not Jon Lau but God Himself who works in me, who keeps me. I think the biggest things that held me back from going all in on this Christianity thing is that I knew that "if You get me then I know that You got me." And I've found immense comfort in knowing that His promise of never letting go, of always being faithful to a faithless, stiff-necked sinner, has not been shaken. I know that if led by my hand, this thing would tank so effin fast but I'm grateful it's not in my hands. I'm so effin grateful.
Praise be to the God-man, Jesus Christ who saved a sinner like me. No regrets. I'm thankful. He died the death I should have. He absorbed the wrath due me. He raised for my justification. Praise God. I pray that He'd "get you" too ... I'm pleading that He would call you by name and raise you from the dead the same way He did me. I long for the day that you call Him "abba, father" not as a servant but as an adopted son or daughter. Oh how beautiful is His glorious name. I plead daily that God would have you taste and see that He is good. He is good.
Happy thanksgiving?
-Jon
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