Summer 2011 f'real.

After tomorrow at 1:00pm ... It will mark the first time since post-freshman year that summer might actually feel like summer for me. Lookin forward to good things in Houston, and some time to myself. Call me an introvert.

Highlights:

1) Family.
-Oh how i grow in appreciation of them more every year i'm apart from them. i just need to grow in showing it to them :D.
2) One of my cousins is getting married!
-It'll be one of the Lau's first interracial marriages too. should be a fun wedding and an excuse to see my brother and the relatives all come into town (some I don't even know).
3) Family vacation in the DC area (to see my brother).
-I learn with every vacation/trip I go on, that I enjoy them more than I thought. Some parts test my patience but for the most part I just love being in the middle of a different city with all the different people. It excites me. Every time it gives me a little bit of vision as to perhaps where God might have me 10 years from now.
-AND i get to see my brother. I notice that I don't mention him much around baylor or that friends (even some that know me well) assume I'm an only child ... but just like the parents, it's not that I love him more I don't think, but its more how much I realize I love him. We're totally different btw. My opinion at least.
4) Alone time.
-I'm naturally an introvert. Even at my most "extroverted" spurts, I find myself going "that was fun, now I need to get away." I'm a pretty introspective guy (a bit too much at times) but what I enjoy most about this time is just the silence. I confess I take the sabbath so sinfully lightly, as if it's just a suggestion more than a "God is for us" command. But ya ... A lot has happened every semester and rarely do I pursue the time to process some of it and just let God teach me what He was doing here, there, or even all the way over there.
-And sometimes despite all that, it's just good for me to be still and take a breath and enjoy the grace gifts around me.
5)" I don't know what to call this" time.
-First thought that pops into mind is my "projects" as in ... my plans as to what's going to take a bigger focus in my queue of a reading list. I think I slowly got into like 5 and then narrowed it to 2. I end up finishing books eventually ... but more time might help that. I'd post the queue of books I'm reading but I forgot them ... the only one I can remember and which is #1 right now is "The Cross of Christ" by John Stott.
-Bible Study time. I don't know about you, but I feel like there's a lot more richness in the text that I simply don't have the time to get a shovel and dig for. I don't have "study time" the way I used to or I'm a bad time management guy who can't make the time for it. Having this little break will leave me no excuse.
-Writing. I've learned that I like to write. Sure that should be obvious with a blog with a handful of verbose entries that ramble but what I've learned is that I really enjoy it. I like putting thoughts down, critiquing them, the process of conveying the right meaning with the right words, etc. And though I'm content with writing things that I'll probably be the only one to read, I've learned that I like to learn how to write for the benefit of others too. I think it's funny that this hobby(?) of mine started with making a xanga during finals week of my sophomore year in high school. I noticed a trend about my entries ... they got longer each time. Just like this list.
-Practice. Basketball, drums, I guess theology/study of the bible fits in there too, learning how to grow in growing up?
-Learning in general. There's some things/resources I've put on hold that I wanted to make time for and didn't have the time to view during the school year. Time to get at it fosho.
6) Hangout time.
-Just to do life and enjoy life with the people I love. Hardcore talks about ministry and theology are freal fun for me and so is just getting a strawberry/banana milkshake with tapioca from star snow ice with my mom paying :D (kidding ... i think), seeing a movie with the "young adults" age people of cbc (i guess i'm getting there now too), or playing ball on Tuesday nights at cbc. Not to mention tons of PHO and DIM SUM. oh man. but ya ... whatever. Just time to rest and have fun.
7) CBC.
-Chinese Baptist Church has been my home church since birth ... And we're in a transition time ... and I don't keep up with all that's going on as much as a church member should, but I love it there, even with all its kinks. I particularly love working with the youth program. Learning from everyone, being able to teach youth for a few sundays, getting (free) resources, and just doing ministry with people I love doing ministry with ... and they don't even need my help. I'm grateful for the opportunity to always go back. In the many ways going back to Houston is "home" for me, CBC is one of the top reasons why.

Having so much to look forward to, I don't even know how much free time I'll actually have ... only thing on the schedule is July 4, cousin's wedding and the vacation but ... I'm just going to hope that means I have at least a solid month or so to do all the other stuff :D.
-Jon

Don't want to miss it.

Confession: Sometimes I lose sight of the heart of our faith. Sometimes in the middle of much ministry and church activity, I forget about Jesus. I fail to remember the beauty of the great gospel of grace. There are too many a day where the cross doesn't even enter my mind, where its accomplishments are deemed more historical fact rather than life-changing truth. I'm learning a great deal of good things and even getting to see God do awesome things through the ministry but nowadays I confess that sometimes I run from Him. Sometimes I absolutely love, trust, believe, and am moved by the sweetness of the gospel but it doesn't take but a night's sleep before I go back to running from Him as if my sin wasn't nailed to the cross with Christ.

I'm aware that the most religious of folk missed Jesus altogether. I'm also aware that the most banged up of sinners thought their sin was greater than His grace. This summer has me in swinging from one side of the pendulum to another. I find myself comparing my current situation and life circumstances with everyone else's so that perhaps I can pity myself. I run from dealing with my sin so much. I'm a coward that thinks the kingdom rests in talk as opposed to power. Talk is good, blogs have a reason for existing but perhaps there's so much more for me. I tell some of my younger friends "don't settle with where you're at. There's more Jesus to be had" and Paul seems to be saying admonishing me a little stronger than that (1 Cor 4). So maybe that's where I'm at this summer in this exile of a land named Waco during the drought of summer session 1 in operations management.

If there's something I'm learning it's that everyday I have a choice to let sin dwell and subtly suffocate me, or I can declare war every morning in light of the victory won through my God in Christ. I want to grow up already but I forget it's a process and for some reason part of that process is having me here for the second straight summer, with every detail in between.

Jesus, don't let my eyes be enamored on any other things or person, even if those things are good. I don't want to lose sight. I don't want to set my mind on what's on the earth. I don't want to wallow in unbelief of the salvation you've already purchased for me. I don't like liking my name so much. I don't like that I crave and lust after people's admiration and praise. Help me. Take me back to that scene, where your death in my place leaves me without words, with absolutely none of this stupid wannabe spiritual swagger. Take me back to that death you died for me if only I may remember the heart of this whole thing. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Expose me of my blindspots. Open my ears. Deepen the affections of my heart. Help me see clearly the excellencies and beauty of Jesus. God, help me fix my eyes to Jesus. Help Hebrews 12:1-2 be my walk. I need You. I find it hard to believe you love sinners who screw up unceasingly. Help me see how great Your affections are already for me. I don't want to go back to indifference. I don't want to want You to leave me alone. Take me back to that cross. Stop me from trying to self-justify all over again. You've done it. You finished it. Help me believe it. There's so much more life to be had. Help me chase it (You). Thanks for loving me first Father. I didn't want You but for some reason You wanted me. For some reason You want me.

NBA Finals 2011

I was telling Augustine soon after game 6 ended tonight, and Dallas was crowned as champions, "there's something really spiritual about all of this. Like f'real, can you feel it?"

I don't know that I've ever been more in touch or felt the highs and lows of not only this particular finals series, but of the fans of each respective city than I have for this year's NBA Finals 2011. To be 100% honest, I came in as a neutral Rockets fan, a fan of basketball but semi-annoyed by my Dallas friends' statuses on Facebook for every outcome of their beloved Mavericks, but genuinely expecting to enjoy watching this series for teams whom I had reasons to both like and dislike. I ended up siding for both teams during different stretches of the games and can confidently say that I just wanted to see a game 7 and didn't care who won. Each time had strong reasons for why they should have won and I don't think fans would agree but like the Miami Heat coach said during his post-game interview, "neither team deserved to win more than the other."

Having said all that, right now as I type this, I feel a lot of emotion, almost an angst. Throughout this whole week+ event of this finals series, the main theme I saw not only in the players and media, but also from the fans, was the word "vindication," or perhaps more poignantly "redemption." I'm not saying that to sound spiritual or theological. It's just what was there from the get go (Propz to Jason Terry btw for doing that twice. Indeed all glory be to God who even gives anyone the strength to do what they do). All the back story of what makes this championship great, every detail ... This theme of justification was smothered all over it. There were other things I saw too (the cry for justice, pure celebration, the idea of karma, identity, hopes finally realized, what a "sinner" must have felt like in passages such as Luke 15, "you chase what you most want," etc.), but the fight for vindication, the clearing of blame, accusation, and guilt, the proof that all the hard work put in would show for something caught my eye the most. There's more that could be elaborated upon. Lebron James' story is one I almost found myself almost crying over and you got to know that it's not that I'm "for" or "against" him in any way. It's the story of the man, and how he's been treated and how he's handled it as a human being that creates an uneasy angst in me at this moment.

Just like ... take a step back for a moment and look at the news right now. Look at the sheer tear-producing emotions coming from Dallas fans and Miami fans. They range from real, genuine adulation to deep, heart-aching sorrow. Go ahead. Look at Facebook and Twitter and ESPN. Look at the celebration that will happen in Dallas and the post-interviews of players from both teams. Pay attention to the beautiful story of each player of the Dallas Mavericks' roster. Don't miss how the city of Cleveland is reacting to this. Look at the tweet by the Cavaliers' owner in response to the outcome of the game. Pay attention to the real person with a soul, Lebron James. He's not just arguably the best basketball player on the planet. He's a real man with a wounded soul. Listen to how he feels as a person more so than as a player. Look at it all. Listen to the chants.

Objectively speaking, I've seen people more happy and exuberant than I've ever seen them. I've seen people worship who wouldn't say they're worshipers of anything. All the sudden our language changes for the best or the worst, people dancing that never danced, etc. People ranging from different age groups, ethnicities, socio-economic statuses, religious beliefs all sharing this huge moment. The entire ambiance of workplace environments will surely be different tomorrow morning. Even our churches might have a distinct glow about it. It's crazy. And as a Rockets fan, I'm no different than any of my Dallas fans who have been enveloped into it all. Point is, this is all weird is it not? There's something very telling about the human heart in all this (both for the good and the bad) and I don't think I'm be over dramatic. Just look at the news. Objectively speaking, this is all just weird.

All that to say, in conclusion, winner and loser alike, the honest truth is we all need God to save us from ourselves. Praise be to God that He's made redemption possible. Praise Christ that He took our guilt and shame and went to the cross. Praise Christ that at the cross and resurrection, we find our acceptance and worth in Him in such a way that makes justification before man infinitely inferior. Praise God that whether or not we got what we wanted, worked hard for, and did all the right things for, through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, we are given what our souls will endlessly chase till we find rest: God, Himself. There will be a celebration one day that will make all other parties and celebrations look pathetic in comparison to. It will be a billion times louder, have many more adoring fans (and not just fans) celebrating alongside us, and it will not end a day or two later like all other celebrations on earth do. It will be pure, "all man has ever longed for" joy forever and ever because of a God who is gracious and of an event He accomplished that is worthy of celebrating. God, for the joy of all peoples, help us invite more and more to join us. Life's a struggle but help us.

"Then I looked, and I heard around the throne and the living creatures and the elders the voice of many angels, numbering myriads of myriads and thousands of thousands, saying with a loud voice, “Worthy is the Lamb who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing!” And I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and in the sea, and all that is in them, saying, “To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever!” And the four living creatures said, “Amen!” and the elders fell down and worshiped."
-Revelation 5:11-14

Congratulations Dallas and Miami. Well-fought series. It was a blessing to watch.
As Jason Terry said, "To God be the glory."
-Jon

some other time?

"Faith in college. Was it all real?"

That's the note/blog entry title I wanted to sit down and type at this perfect hour of 1:33am. Mark it as blog #2 I commit to writing before graduation that will turn out to be basically a short paper. Hm, maybe I'll try to outline my thoughts now.

*Note: the paper would probably be in context with people who have grown up in the church, accepted Christ, etc.
*Post-outline note* I just realized this is encompassing too much material from all spheres of my college experience. Everything from the struggle to finding out whether my faith was MY faith to the emergent church to the role of Intervarsity and why I think God's put me in it, to the continual reminder of how absolutely vital theology is, to the particular college I attend, church in general, the gospel, etc. Eh. I wish this was my homework. Even if no one else read it, I easily wouldn't mind spending hour upon hour writing it.

I. Intro explaining title, thesis, and why it even matters
a. my background journey on what to make of Christianity
1. particular emphasis on senior year of high school summer to current day
2. objective overview of how I've seen it play out with
a. recent post-grad friends/ppl i know
b. peers/friends who are my age
c. current but younger college students
3. how I think it might play out with incoming college students.
II. My fears: Apathy being cool
III. My plea: Don't be put off by the word "theology." There's too much at stake. Time to study.
IV. Time to get to work. We're a sent people.

In the end, I think I'm getting myself too riled up for this. My hope, my dream, my longing is that there'd be a resurgence of men and women who absolutely adore the explicit gospel of Jesus Christ; men and women who without hesitation would give their lives for its preservation. I long to be one of those people and want to invite whoever is willing to join the pursuit. As the song goes, we really are all just playing the "background" but I just wanna play my part well.

To the glory of Christ,
-jon

"Poison Tree" by Ghost Ship

There's something very spooky in how TRUTH this song is. I love it.