My Mundane Monday and my plea to myself.

I start some of the days off right. Even if I wake up at noon, I get my spiritual disciplines going most of the time I think. Yet a little compromise here and another one there land me at 5pm having accomplished nothing but attaching my affections to things such as basketball and facebook. Nothing really bad or anything ... After all it's just commenting on someone's status. It's just a couple (many) 4-5 minute clips on youtube. Technically not "sinful" things ... Well, that was today for me haha. My monday.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."

Hebrews 12:1-2 was a verse I had memorized sophomore year. I thought there was just something about it that I wanted to always have with me just in case y'know? I dunno ... But anyway, it has made its way to me this summer and listening to some teaching on it, I've learned that it's not just sin that we must lay aside and do everything in our power to put to death, but its every "weight" too. In other words it's not just avoiding our more obvious idols of hate, lust, gossip, approval, money, success, control, (or other thoughts or things that tend to consume our time and emotive energy) ... etc., but it's also a laying aside of anything and everything that hinders and pulls us down, keeping us from running with endurance the race set before us ... Even if those things are not morally sinful at all.

Today was a really unproductive day. Part of me honestly feels a sort of shame that comes with it. I heard myself today saying things like this: "I'm about to be a senior. I shouldn't have days like this. Laziness shouldn't be an option for me. There's more life to be had. I've robbed myself ... aiya ... I thought I was more 'spiritually mature' than this. I thought I was on the path of 'putting childish ways behind me.' Ehhhhhh. Woe is me." Heh. Yet, what I've learned of my lazy Monday is confronting the question of "how much do you really treasure Jesus?" It's just an honest question because turning on the computer for me has all these options of things that aren't "sinful" by nature but yank at my heart's affections to the point where Jesus is more leftovers than treasure. I'd rather take basketball or I'd rather take drumming. God, help my heart ... I might even take theology to avoid Jesus altogether. Maybe I'd rather have "my time" that I've felt like I've earned or something because I felt like I never had a summer for myself. God, really do help me ...

Dear Jon Lau, Jesus is better. Fix your eyes on, look to Jesus, the one who found your faith, and the one who will perfect your faith to the end. Glue your eyes to Jesus who saved you from Ephesians 2:1-3 and who will finish what he started. All that is somewhat enthusiasm-instilling from facebook comments and replays of basketball mixes you've already exhausted will always be there to rob you from "a holiday at the sea." (C.S. Lewis) Don't be so easily satisfied. You know there's more. You know it. You've seen it amongst brothers and sisters amongst you. You've read of the history of the men and women of this faith from that book of your faith (Hebrews 11). It's yours to have too. "Therefore," lay aside every little thing that isn't even necessarily sinful and lay aside every little thing that is sinful and run after Him. "Fix your eyes on the prize."

Jon, you will find yourself in need of strength sooner than you probably expect this semester. Your sin will probably be more exposed than you'd like. Your childishness that you wish would just stay in the grave with the old Jon will resurface probably more than you thought it possibly could. In those times this semester where you find yourself there, you're going to need constant reminder of why you are free to keep pressing on. Hebrews 12:1-2 tells you to look to Jesus, and specifically how Jesus ran his race. He had his eyes on the joy set before Him. And that joy set before him was what spurred Jesus to endure the cross, "despising its shame." What kept Jesus setting target for Jerusalem, for Golgotha, for the tearing off of the flesh on his back, and the humiliation of the crucifixion was what exactly the cross was accomplishing: the adoption of sinners into the family of a holy, loving God. The glorious thing is that after Jesus rose 3 days later and ascended after 40 days, Jesus took seat at the right hand of the throne of God as if to say "it is finished" (John 19:30). You would do well to believe those words of exclamation.

What will hold you fast and allow you to run with endurance during your trials this semester and school year (reality check: they are coming ...) will not be the approval of your peers and ministry partners and pastors. It will not be ministry "success" for AFC. It will not be the success rate of your jump shot or the slight bit of awe you may receive from your peers on the court. It will not be whether you're actually getting that 4.0 GPA that you've failed to achieve all throughout college. It will not even be whether or not you finish out your bible-reading goals and acquire theological acumen. It will be the grand, satisfying message of that theology: Jesus. Look to him, Fix your eyes on Him. He is the message of the Bible, not you.

Praise Christ that when glory goes to where glory is due, immense joy is found there too. Want more Jon. Daily go to war to want more than you currently do. He loves You enough to want more for You than You do for yourself. He is the more.
-Jon

"The One You Need"

To say that me and my parents don't always see eye to eye on some things would be putting it nicely. We don't communicate as well as I wished we did and sometimes I don't know that they have a clue about me from all the changes of these 3 years of college thus far. It's hard to do real talk with them and when we do, somehow it's just not what I hoped it would be. They seemingly know how to push all the right buttons to expose my impatience and frustration ... Things that I thought were becoming my strengths in college. Yet, in the midst of scraping by some days with school and a million other things that my mind doesn't think they could understand, there are moments where my mom or dad simply pray for me and say things like "You know I pray for you everyday right?". I hardly ever see them do it. I don't know what it looks like when my mom prays for me everyday. It never occurred to me that she did. All my childish brain could see was that they seemed to always be taking away from my fun, my freedom. It's taken a while to see but perhaps they're trying to give me life rather than take it away.

One of my biggest weaknesses (and area of sin) that my friends in college don't see have to do with my family and that simply Colossians 3:20 command. It's something I'm working on that I wish I would make progress in with a lot more haste ... but it's songs like this that expose my arrogance that comes with my youth. I'm about to be 22 soon and I still see with just an infantile scope. I don't know that I'll understand my parents or what it's like to have me as a son. All I know is that God has lavished grace upon me with parents that were always there and always loved me even when all it seemed I did was push them away.

There are parts of me now that are grossly childish and I still struggle with letting my parents get close sometimes. Though it may take months later for me to see each time I throw my little tantrums, they love me anyway ... Sounds a lot like the gospel.

Heh ... It'll be interesting one of these days being a dad with that stubborn, irrational son of mine who seems to want nothing to do with me and laughs at my deepest yearnings for His good. If God grants me parenthood, it will indeed be an interesting part of my sanctification. But until then, I'm a 22 year old kid, under the authority of parents who love me, want what is best for me, and pay for my tuition :). Despite the disdain I have for curfews, I just gotta shut up and obey. They love me.

1 John 4:10. I think they get it as parents. Thanks mom and dad. I'll try to call/write more ... You're right. It's not unreasonable to do so.

"O the joy and O the sorrow"

I've realized summer's almost over already. It never did feel like it started for me haha. Maybe that'll change between now and August 21.

Being in the background of a spectacularly beautiful, Christ-proclaimed wedding, followed up by a funeral of the grandmother of a lot of my cousins will jack up your emotions in a short time span. We'll miss you Mrs. Wong. I don't have many memories of you outside of sharing Christmases but I do remember one time I got to eat with the Joe's and Wongs and somehow I invaded yawl's weekly family dinner. I remember the food was good and the home was welcoming and that the Joes and Wongs had grandparents who adored them. It was a blessing to hear of your legacy of faith today. Praise Christ.

I feel like there's been 6 chapters opened and closed this summer and now the 7th is about to start. I went into this summer wanting to simply grow up due to a lot of inconsistencies I had noticed. And I'm not sure I have that much but I've been exposed to a couple things that probably forced me to not see with the eyes of child anymore. It's that fun part of life where you want to be treated as an adult but not receive any of those responsibilities or disciplines that come with it. But by the grace of Christ, I am still here in full confidence of that central message of Jesus' mission, his life, death and resurrection ... That He saves for the glory of His name. I am stirred by the fact that the gospels recount particular people in particularly dark situations and heavy baggage and doubts and Jesus comes to these guys. Not just the dysfunctional family member, not just the criminal, not just the enemy of the state, not just the blind and lame. He even goes to the most religious bible-memorizing of them all and He proclaims Himself. Praise God. It's the moments where you're tested in believing whether or not the gospel really is the "power of God for salvation to everyone who believes" or not. Did Jesus really step in and rescue in situations like this one? The scriptures say: "yes." May God grant me the belief to believe it in such a way to walk in faith and obedience. There are many many many who don't know You Jesus. Draw them Father, send me out with clear vision, listening ears, and an overwhelmed heart for Jesus and His mission. Help me understand where you have me to be the best student missionary I can be. Help me with my unbelief.

Congratulations to my cousin Laurie and her new husband Josh. Laurie, I pray that you continue to walk beautifully in the grace and love of your savior, Jesus Christ, and Josh, I pray your heart would be set aflame for God and people even more. Lead my cousin well and welcome to the family. It really was the most beautiful, Jesus-proclaimed wedding I've ever been to or maybe it's just the only one I remember because I didn't see this stuff when I was 10 :p. Regardless, my heart was stirred and encouraged. The gospel of Jesus was proclaimed with power and I know for a fact that many non-Christians and beat up Christians were there that needed to hear it. I was one of the latter. Jesus, help us remember.

"Shadows" by David Crowder Band:

"Life is full of light and shadow
O the joy and O the sorrow
O the sorrow

And yet will He bring
Dark to light
And yet will He bring
Day from night

When shadows fall on us
We will not fear
We will remember

When darkness falls on us
We will not fear
We will remember

When all seems lost
When we're thrown and we're tossed
We'll remember the cost
We're resting in the
Shadow of the cross"

Word.

"Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."
-Hebrews 4:14-16.

Good to be home.

Being back home has had me realize how much I love my family and the friends God's given me and had grow up alongside me all these years. I'm just grateful for it. It's funny because there are many a night where despite all that I say and do, I simply feel alone. And I begin to doubt if anyone cares or knows or is praying for me. And just being back home for this 1.5 weeks has blessed me with moments like my mom saying "you know I pray for you everyday right?" or just chatting with some of the friends from youth group who are warring for the things of Christ at their college campuses too. Just being around CBC youth ministry gives me energy, excitement, and courage for the coming year. I pray I take advantage of it.

All that to say, I'm glad to be home. I'm glad to be around people I love that love Jesus. Simple as that I guess.