Jesus

Oh how true and clear it is that we are a fragile people in frantic search for hope.

Jesus, you have moved in ways that transcend my understanding, my theology, my perspective and opinions, and my experiences. You move in ways that continue to do so.

I have a shot not to be a slave to sin because of the cross of Jesus alone.

Oh God, humble this pompous, wandering, game-playing heart. Use me, despite me. This world needs you. This campus need you Jesus.

Embolden and encourage my heart as I try my best to be obedient with all the energy you graciously give me. Help me be unashamed of the overwhelming and liberating power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Oh my God, save in might. Save for the sake of Your name. Save for the joy of Your children. Save to glorify Your name.

Thanks for setting me free.

The Charge (part 1)

"I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom: preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths. As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry."
-2 Timothy 4:1-5

I know the charge, the good deposit entrusted to me and for now, I'm asking myself what it really means to play the background. I think it's finally sinking in, but what if pastoring is simply God's path for my sanctification? What if it's just where He has me? What if it never does get to the point where my name isn't famous, and I'm not the guy on the big stages, but I'm the average pastor? Would I still be as fired up about this? Do I still love ministry if numerical growth wasn't in the picture? if I wasn't the guy that got talked about? Heh. I know it's where He has me in the future, God willing, but I think the hardest thing about all of this is that distorted desire to make much of my name and feel like ... something.

Father, You've done great work in pruning me these 3+ years. Keep sifting my soul. I don't want to gain all this stuff at the cost of my soul. I don't want to get everything and find myself without You. Jesus, be my ultimate treasure. I'm prone to make this about me and I don't want to think that I'll just be able to handle it when it gets more dangerous in the future. Put it to death in me now. I pray that ministry will never be the end goal, will never be where I find my identity. Jesus, it's you I'm after. It's you I want my heart to want more. Help me abide. You're where joy is. Help me for the sake of my joy and for the advancement of the gospel. You don't need me at all. Help me remember this.

Thanks for loving me first.
-Jon

Thoughts on an average, regular day and the cross.

We all really are so fragile. The weight of the fall really is great. Creation itself really does groan to be set free from bondage. The souls of men really are bruised. Scars of past experiences run deeper than I wish they did. More than we'd like, insecurity and identity issues rear their ugly heads over and against our attempts to shush them. The longing for "the one" drivers a lot closer to the core of our hearts than we'd want to give credit to. Impure, envious thoughts sometimes seem to be winning. Apathy often bats a high percentage. People hurt. Circumstances overwhelm and crush them every single day. Despite the number of sermons and spiritual resources, we still find ourselves desperately confused and for some of us, on the brink of losing all hope and ditching this following Jesus thing. Sometimes it just feels like it's all for naught.

Sometimes you do all the right things and you feel and see little to nothing. Sometimes trouble finds you when you're not looking for it. Sometimes it just seems to find you. And sometimes you see two people from the other side of the world come into your life and choose to follow Jesus for the first time. Sometimes you see a hunger for God so freakin inspiring that reminds you of when you first started out. Sometimes you hear testimonies of what God's doing in other people and places that make you realize that the kingdom is bigger than your college-kid perspective. Sometimes you just take a step back and notice that God really has shown immense grace to you and a lot of it wasn't even asked for. It's crazy but sometimes God even shows you the gospel during a HR staffing and employee relations class.
-He's really blessed me for all of the above, even the first paragraph.

The cross of Jesus has encouraged, rebuked, admonished, reproved, inspired, enamored, humiliated, stirred me more than anything else in college has. As college is closing in on me, a lot more themes seem to become apparent as to what I've learned but this one, by far, is the one. Not only by it am I saved, but by it God in Christ is renewing all things and continuing to save many. What went wrong when you and I substituted ourselves for where only God should be, God in Christ substituted Himself where only man should be (Stott). What went wrong with the universe and what went wrong with you and me in that exchange at the fall, was exchanged back at the cross. Where we've retarded and died, Christ has awakened and raised. Where we have de-created, Christ has recreated as new creations. Where we have perverted what humanity was meant to be, God in Christ has bought us back in adoption as sons and daughters through the cross.
-It may be weird to say, but I think about my funeral probably more than the average person ... not because I'm particularly looking forward to it (though I do wish I could echo Philippians 1:21 more than I currently do), but because I really don't want to waste my time here. On that tombstone, when my grandkids think about their grandpa Jon, I pray they'd see and hear a legacy of the cross. I pray that, God-willing, any other "Lau" men, would want the same.

"But far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world."
-Galatians 6:14

Let's do some work.

Learning

Upon learning Jesus' love for me, it's been a process to love others the same way. One step at a time. Here we go for the rest of what God's given me for Senior year.

"Sophomore Year Reflection"

If you know me and are quite the observant, you'll notice that I am in fact not a sophomore in college anymore. I am in fact a senior but this is something I found on facebook ... I never published it but left it as a draft. It's funny how God works and speaks to me. I consider the post a note to self ...

"I feel like my sophomore year of college is filled with a lot of things I've learned/noticed/went "hmm ... interesting ..." to, but this one particularly sticks out to me ... I've concluded this about the nature of ... people:

We violently war to surround ourselves with as many "new" hobbies, trinkets, relationships, philosophies, theologies, vain pursuits, and cheap thrills as we can if only they serve the purpose to avoid looking at our hearts at all costs. Frankly, we don't want to deal with our sin.

We're scared of deliberately making time to ask ourselves what's really going on in our hearts because we're afraid what we'll find ... or we'll come to the point where we come face to face with a sin that we already knew was there but just didn't want to face ... For me, my sin is school. I'll play more basketball, do more Bible-reading, or help out more with AFC sometimes, if it would serve the purpose to avoid looking at my own heart. The thing that gives me complete assurance and trust in the Bible is that it paints this same picture of the sinful nature of man. If you go from Genesis to Revelation ... er ... I think Paul sums it up well:

"For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me."

-Romans 7:15-20

The thing that compels me about Jesus is that he cuts straight to the heart and relentlessly goes after it. In the end, I think those of us who have been around church and have done the Bible reading know He does this for our own good and joy, yet there's something in us where we don't want to do the hard work of self-examination. We don't ever want to come to grips with that feeling in our gut that knows we're off and we'll do whatever it takes to silence that voice. In the end, we'd prefer to be our own savior because we don't want to be honest with who we are: sinners who can never cure this disease in us. We know cognitively that Jesus stretches out his hand to heal, but I think in the end we simply don't want to go through the pain and humiliation in the process of healing. We're afraid.

So perhaps the reason growth or any semblance of a relationship with Christ seems so far sometimes is because we're constantly telling the Holy Spirit:"Shut up! Don't go there. See this? This is mine God. Stop telling me I'm off. I thought you wanted me to be happy! Stop it! I'm the one who calls the shots for MY life. I'm God, not You. Shut up!"

My plea for you and for me is that in view of the cross and all that Jesus accomplished that dark Friday, is that we'd turn and repent from our sins of pride, our mistrust, our arrogance. My plea is that we'd forsake our sin and instead put our hope and trust in Jesus because we really do believe that He's for us and not against us. Jesus, keep exposing our hearts and leading us to life. The more we tell you to be quiet, the more we're robbing ourselves ... the more we're killing ourselves. May the love you demonstrated on the cross drive out and crucify our fear. You're better. You're worth it. Help us sinners.

"So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin."

-Romans 7:21-25

Repentance leads to life. God grant us repentance."
-Sophomore Jon writing to Senior Jon.