Grocery Shopping?

I have to confess that I cry a lot more these days (no I didn't cry just now from writing this). But sometimes the story of God is too good to be true and our past's inability to receive it for so long makes the slightest unveilings of the story spectacular. I don't know ... But I think each of our (Christian) stories is a retelling of the greatest one and to see that for myself, particularly this past semester, has been painful, revealing, freeing. The following is something I wrote about 3+ months ago ... and it stirred something in me that led me to write this particular experience to my mama for Mother's Day:

[Today was my Sabbath day aka my free day where I didn't have to go to school or church but just stayed home, did some chores and listened to music. I eventually made my way to Wal-Mart to get a few items that I've been needing. Couple of binders, some white tees, socks and some toilet paper ... you know ... the regular shopping list of an unorganized kid trying to become an adult. It was a weird moment but as I heard of the conversations of a mom asking her son what kind of socks to get him, it made me recall all those times where my mom would take me and Chris grocery shopping. Where we would hide in clothing racks and wait for her to find us, where I would complain at how long it was taking to get all these groceries, where me and Chris would beg her for totally unnecessary purchases ... (usually Chris would always be about some gum or whatever the cool kids at school were bringing to class). It reminded me of all those times where I would try to educate my mom on how to more efficiently shop (why was she taking so much time browsing from one end of the store to the other only to do it all over again??? Just get yo items and bounce Ma!). It reminded me of when dad and mom would visit me in Waco and though it wasn't necessary to go to the store (after all I could get what I wanted and they'd end up paying for it on the credit card anyway), we'd still find ourselves at the Wal-Mart.

I remember this past summer when I was in El Paso and living on my own. I didn't go to the store often because frankly, I bought a lot of fast food during those 2 months ... but when I did make it to the HEB, I remember thinking "whoa, I'm by myself now." I mean in college it was somewhat like this but I was with my roommates and friends all the time and we would go together ... And I guess since moving out here to LA, I've gotten used to this seemingly monotonous chore. It's what normal people do after all. But I guess this time I just found myself thinking back to those times where I would totally troll my mom at the grocery store with some lame joke, ask her some ridiculous question, or whatever before moving on and helping her put the stuff in the car. But now it's different. And maybe the reason why I'm expending so much space typing this out is because I've equated the "independent" life with "loneliness." Part of growing up is not having the support of the family to lean on for everything anymore. Though my mom and dad are still alive and kicking, they're not here with me. And to be honest, since taking the internship at El Paso, there have been a handful of moments where I have found myself thinking at how sad this would look if anyone else saw it. Simple tasks that need to get done like grocery shopping or eating lunch become episodes that only remind you of your loneliness.

It's made me think, however. Especially after finishing college, how do young adults cope with this problem? This post was just about a reflection on grocery shopping ... and how much I miss my parents and I guess it's made me think "how many of are there who also go through these seemingly monotonous chores of life and feel this way ... feel so alone, getting through their job, finding ways to keep them going or things to get excited about in the future?" How many go to sleep every day with these similar experiences but no church, no community, and no God with them? By the grace of God I have met great people who also have been made alive together with Christ, a church I not only "work" for but have a community to do life with. And on top of that I'm graced to serve with and under one of my first mentors growing up.

So how does this work if Christ isn't a reality in life? How many countless people go to sleep every night with the big questions of life unanswered and with the only voice to comfort them being their own? How do the middle-class average Americans like us make it through the day (I'm aware this may seem like a "boo hoo existential crisis" post)? Is it really just accepting the cold reality that life is tough, and to keep telling ourselves to endure? Or does this force us on this frantic search to find that special someone to share the loneliness with only to find that they can't fill the void? Do we explore new areas of life we haven't yet seen, get into new scenes and scores of people with new things to do? And what then? What then after?

Holy Spirit, come. Open the eyes of the blind, call into repentance the laziness of the church. We need the gospel to comfort us absolutely, to remind us that we really are ALIVE in Christ, but we also need to recognize that there are scores of people working next to us, serving us at restaurants, brewing us coffee, that need to know that "this" stuff isn't all there is. There's so much more. Church, let's get to work.]

______

Father, stir in us, challenge us, convict us. We're alive but sometimes we view the world exactly the same as those who don't know You at all, as if we're still deadened to Your reality and presence. Let us have the courage to remember the gospel of Christ. Grant it.]

Dear CBC, v.5/2/14

Dear Chinese Baptist Church of Houston, Texas.

It's been a while huh?

I've been wanting to write to you for a while and on more than a couple of occasions have I smiled and thought about the times we've laughed, cried, and grown together under the banner of Christ.

I must admit that I feel a bit awkward because my communication with you has been lacking since I left pretty abruptly about 10 months ago (has it really been that long?). Honestly, it was a tough move for me to make ... not just because it was kind of all of the sudden, but because I was leaving the place where I was born and raised ... ya, CBC has been my only church till recently ... And I really didn't have the time nor the preparation for the move, much less a space to really process such a big change (Literally I received one phone call after hanging out with some friends and it changed everything). Technically I'm still a member of CBC (though that'll change soon) but honestly, a part of me felt really guilty for leaving in the first place in the sudden way that I did, with no warning, but I just wanted to write to say "hi" again to you.

I'm kinda writing, feeling as if I've been sent from CBC to where I'm at now at a church called First Evangelical Church of Diamond Bar. So in a way, you're my Jerusalem or Antioch haha. But ya, I'm not sure you'd be totally interested in an update but I just wanted to write to you because of my love and gratitude for you. CBC was and is the church that has known me and seen my mistakes and progress. It was the setting where I went from a Pokemon card-obsessed loner to the dorky high schooler with an affinity to hip hop lingo. It was where I first heard the gospel, first received a bible, first became a part of the church community, the first church where I was given opportunity to serve for the sake of the body (them youth ministry high school years doe!). It was my home church even when I went off to college and it was my joy to serve alongside you for the sake of the gospel ... from the transitionary years until when I made the move.

And now as I'm in another city 22 hours drive away, I'm encouraged to see your progress and I hope that our paths will cross as the "universal" church furthers the glory of God to the nations.

I have to be honest, I get homesick sometimes. I miss you guys and I miss growing alongside you. But I guess I remember one time in a youth praise or whatever that Justin said something along the lines of what his goal and hope was for us as we got older (I took that he meant it for us youth leaders as well as the youth). Justin said that his ultimate joy and hope for us would be that we'd mature in the gospel, invest in the community, get trained up, and eventually move on and move away to bless those in need with what we've learned. I'm not saying I did all those things well. In fact, I can tell you times I was a pretty flaky postgrad-er. But in some way I feel completely confident that where I'm at right now is exactly where God wants me and is the best path for Him to go even deeper after my heart, freeing it up for more life in Him. That's not to say it's easy but God is faithful ... He really is. Anyway, you have my heart CBC. And I long for the next time I visit back home :). Love you all.

{ehh not sure about this paragraph} ...
I'm not sure all of you know the process of what it was like for me to leave and make the move but if there's anything I've noticed as I've been around the 4 different youth groups I've served in the past 2 years, it's that there's a REAL need not only for the gospel to be heard and understood but really just for kids to know that someone, anyone cares for them. Hence, the real need is indeed the gospel haha. And I guess now that I've made a new "home" at FECDB, I'm starting to see that no matter where we're from or how different our upbringings are, we're all broken people with ultimately the same needs, namely Jesus and his community of people that we can know and be known in. I think in God's providence, I've been given some experiences from Houston (that's you guys), New York, El Paso, and now in Los Angeles to see this truth. The differences are many but the similarities are what has become more clear. I think many youth are so jaded with people they counted on bailing on them that it's hard to believe in a God who "never leaves or forsakes."

The kids over here are fun and great, only a few troublemakers :/, and they seemed to like playing "bang" a lot haha. Could go into more detail but generally if you somehow read this, I'd ask for your prayers for the Holy Spirit to open up their hearts to the gospel as some are so close! Others are battling with (some held bondage to) immense academic pressure, and the younger ones in particular are just in need of more spiritual mentors and leaders to pour into them.

Also, you could pray for me. It's honestly a difficult time for me. I knew that coming out here would challenge me and I knew that God brought me here for the sake of my own sanctification ... but it's been hard and sometimes I feel the tendency to avoid and run away from what God's put in front of me and for me. I've learned a lot more about myself since being out here ... And I realize that even what I thought my purest motives and strongest gifts have sometimes been defenses from God to go after my heart. I've heard "identity" talks many many times. I have and so have you. But as I age and I'm hearing more about expectations and what I should and should not be aiming for and doing, it's hard not to get lost in that identity crisis. Especially when what you've been praised for/affirmed in all your life is no longer there. I guess I'm learning that I'm petrified of what people think of me and in some way God's inviting me to see just how deep His love is for me (and for you).

On another note, if there's any encouragement for you CBC youth, it's this: Take the command to make disciples seriously, for your own growth/maturity, yes, but ultimately for your own joy/life/vitality/freedom. There are countless corners in your schools and hangout spots where real people need to know that someone created them, sustains them, thinks of them notices them, KNOWS them, and LOVES them. So many of your peers are dealing with weighty problems, relational baggage, intense fears, and what Ephesians 2 would describe as "having no hope and without God in the world." And I'm not only talking about the pervasiveness of drugs, sex, pornography, academic cheating, eating disorders, and depression. I'm talking about the scores of youth who simply dont know the God of the Bible. They don't know of Him and have never heard ... They're literally an unreached people. In God's providence and sovereignty, He's given you an Acts 17 opportunity to befriend, love, walk alongside of, and evangelize to (ya evangelism). The truth is that I've found that a lot of youth are open to what the Bible is about ... The Holy Spirit's done something special in that. I challenge you whether you're a freshman, sophomore, junior getting prepped for SATs, or a senior nervous/excited about college to take the time you have left to think deeply on the gospel, the story of the Bible, and how your life testifies to it. I encourage you to worship God in digging up the grace He's lavished on your life in drawing you to Himself. And take that testimony and share it with your friends explicitly. Share it as you go through your classes, lunches, extra-curriculars ... The opportunities are endless and I have a feeling that so many youth you wouldn't expect are so close to the Kingdom. They're far off now in a sense, but in another sense, they're so close. And as much as I am a proponent of missional, relational, intentional discipleship ... In the end of the day, the gospel needs to be made known. And you're your school's best missionaries.

I've written you because I love you CBC, and we've been through the thick and thin. I recognize that God has me in a new season of life and a new church to be planted in for a while. Though this means that I'm not nearly as present with you all, know that I love you and am indebted to the grace you've lavished on me. I truly, sincerely love you. And miss eating Texas Barbeque with yawl.

Because of Christ, and for the sake of His gospel,
-Jon Lau

Jesus frees us to get over the sun

kinda random but i was thinking about ecclesiastes today … and pondering on its message for me (us) today (which doesn’t make sense cuz I didn’t read it today haha) … and i think what i concluded in the end was that the essence of the book was calling us to take our frustrations, our efforts, our weariness, our fatigue, our boredom at the habitual cycles of life, our questions of “is this all there is?”, and look beyond what’s under the sun. 

i’m coming off kinda a bleh monday and i think the message that confronted me was that i was looking for all kinds of things, empty, vain, silly things under the sun to fill and satisfy what only “our Creator” could (12:1). i felt myself kinda drifting from God since I woke today by just numbing my mind with hours of youtube (i still can’t recall all that i spent my time on) and mayb it took me a whole day to realize what I was doing. 

I uno, just thot i’d share … maybe our frustrations are meant to have us look above, and as shane and shane says in one of their songs (and Jesus makes possible), “get over the sun.” 

Day at a time.

Before I'd be discouraged. Before I'd let my insecurity drag me down to the floor of despair. But strangely, I know the Holy Spirit is working ... I know it, despite my frustrations and the patience I know I need to have, I know You're at work. I guess You just answered my prayer to care more for the youth ... to hurt for them.

I probably won't forget the first words a veteran pastor said to me when I first started this thing ... "Much long suffering." But with the smile on his face, I know that this man experienced God in a deep way that not a lot of people probably have. God willing, if I make it to around his age, I want to be able to say to some young 20 year old entering ministry that though this path will sometimes feel like it's killing you, in the end it will not have been a sacrifice at all in comparison to knowing Christ ... to fellowship with him in his suffering as they say.

... Suffering precedes glorification.

Father, I'm in this for the long haul ... as long as You're with me, as long as You give me more of Yourself I'm in. Don't hold back now. I want more.

A day at a time,
-Jon

Look within or above?

The message of today: Look to & within yourself to solve your problems and attain the true freedom of unashamedly being yourself. Don’t for a second let anyone tell you who you’re supposed to be. Be true to who you are and what ultimately makes you happy. This is the message the world needs to hear.

The message of Christianity: Look to Christ and his cross instead of looking for answers within. Stop trying to fix the mess that you already know is within you. You never could fix it and you never can because truth is you are the problem and so am I. So look not to what has proven over and over again to fail you (yourself), and fix your eyes on Christ. There's more joy in submission to and in relationship with a good God than having full reign over your brokenness. This is the message the world needs to hear. 

[If we as humanity could ever get it together FINALLY, why hasn't it happened already? We've been trying to save ourselves for so long. And we can't. Holy Spirit, help us see Jesus.]