The Step Back and Movies.

I find myself having to take a step back to reevaluate things. Because we're so prone to play games, I havta keep checking myself to see what things I don't want to submit to God with. It's too easy to get wrapped up in programs and doing things because that's how they've always been done. But in general I am more frequently having to step back and see things as they are. I've been seeing the world in a little more raw view lately and it is alike in a lot of ways when Jesus became a reality to me for the first time. I couldn't word it well but it's when all games are exposed and when honesty is brutally and boldly embraced and humanity is exposed to being as wicked as we know we are deep down. How our natural inclination is always in the wrong ... selfishness, false testimony, jealousy, hate, betrayal, pride, always making idols of other man-made gods. The closest I can come to describing it is seeing it in movies ...

I saw it (it being an desperate cry for the fallenness of humanity) in Lakeview Terrace and Gran Torino over the summer and recently for the main character in District 9. The thing I took the most from District 9 was the absolute shunning and abandoning of the main character. Somehow I saw the abandonment of Christ in it ... left alone by all those who followed him after all he'd done through his miracles and preaching and relationships, his 12 disciples (one even betrayed him), the inner 3 ... Peter the "Rock," denies 3 times, etc., yet, one who you'd think would least extol Christ rebukes the other criminal who just mocked Jesus' claim as the Christ by saying "Do you not fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation? And we indeed justly, for we receiving the due reward of our deeds; but this man has done nothing wrong." And he pleads "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom" (Luke 23:40-42). It's weird to say this but somehow I saw this in District 9. Of all the characters that could have been the main companion of the protagonist, a freakin alien was chosen! haha. It doesn't all line up but I just saw the humiliation, the shame, the reality of abandonment and alone-ness in some moments of the film that really stirred my heart up ... especially when the main character's only hope, his wife, ended up leaving him too. I just saw the brokenness and fractured humanity in the film. Somehow God's been doing this with movies to me recently.

It's been a tough time being back in Waco these past 1.5 weeks or so. I can only plead for God to show up and strip me of all the crap I'm clinging to. He really showed me how much I want people to like me this summer and stripped of this desire rather brutally. It really hurt but I thank Him for it.

Acts 4:23-31.

I'm confused as to even begin to think how this year will turn out. All I know is that I'm going to need a lot of prayer for boldness and strength to constantly, violently, and jealously war for the gospel of Jesus Christ to be what matters most to us. If we have not this, we have nothing but noise in empty religious gatherings. God, please show up. Have mercy on us. Empower us Holy Spirit. We need You God. Help us.