Post-movie Reflections

So I watched the movie "Rachel Getting Married" (2008) last night as I had this whole apartment to myself last night ... and there was a point in the movie that the main character, Kym, shared this while in a recovery-like group for those struggling with addiction:

"When I was sixteen, I was babysitting my little brother. And I was, um... I had taken all these Percocet. And I was unbelievably high and I... we had driven over to the park on Lakeshore. And he was in his red socks just running around in these piles of leaves. And, um, he would bury me and I would bury him in the leaves. And he was pretending that he was a train. And so he was charging through the leaves, making tracks, and I was the caboose, and I was, um... so he kept saying, coal, caboose! Coal, caboose! And, um, we were... it was time to go and I was driving home... and... I lost control of the car. And drove off the bridge. And the car went into the lake. And I couldn't get him out of his car seat. And he drowned. And I struggle with God so much, because I can't forgive myself. And I don't really want to right now. I can live with it, but I can't forgive myself. And sometimes I don't want to believe in a God that could forgive me. But I do want to be sober. I'm alive and I'm present and there's nothing controlling me. If I hurt someone, I hurt someone. I can apologize, and they can forgive me... or not. But I can change. And I just wanted to share that and say congratulations that God makes you look up, I'm so happy for you, but if he doesn't, come here. That's all. Thank you."

And I have to ask myself ... Are there any parts of my hearts that does not want to believe in the forgiveness of God? Is there any pride that says God couldn't possibly love this sinner? That He'd forfeit his perfect nature by forgiving all the wrong I've done? Is there anything in me that doesn't believe in the forgiveness and love of God?

Kym got it. She got the truth that in all that she was, she was evil and in the wrong 100%. You have to see the movie to see just how ugly everything is because of the fall. In every sphere of life for that family ... was a twisted view of all that God created. Man did the movie capture just how twisted and broken we are because of our rebellion. And even though the family generally consisted of moral people, they were all jacked up and dirty. If you were to have coffee with this family, they'd look to be the ideal family but once you're in the middle of it, you begin to see that none of us is better than each other. I wonder how different this is in real life.

I think this is where we start. If we come to grips with reality and who we are at the core of our beings as people on this earth, I think it wouldn't take long to see that we're utterly hopeless. No matter how hard we try, or how well we can discipline ourselves, the truth remains that we're constantly in need help. We're constantly in need of saving from. If we don't start here and continually remember our perversity, then what Christ did on the cross doesn't mean much because if righteousness could be gained by upholding some kind of moral standard, then the cross becomes dispensable.

"Where the trespass increased, grace increased all the more."

I think if we're honest, more of us are the leper and the paralytic and the tax collector than we want to admit. Some of us have parts in our hearts where, though like Jonah, recognize God's grace, mercy, forgiveness, and steadfast love, simply don't want to accept it. Father, Save us sinners from ourselves. Help us stop relentlessly going to other things to numb You from us. Our darkness is afraid to come into the light and we hate it, but expose us anyway. Help us.
-Jon