Winter Retreat 2005 -> Winter Retreat 2009

It's hard to believe the journey God's blessed me with in my first 2 decades of life. I find it hard to believe that this will be my second year as a counselor to middle school and high school kids for my church's annual winter retreat. Some life-changing moments occurred when I was the camper receiving wisdom from a counselor. My first winter retreat was the second time where God just absolutely tore me up for His glory and though I didn't know it then, my joy.

I'm praying that one of my closest friends would get broken by God's grace like he did about 4 years ago when he shared one of the most uneasy sharings of truth during the campfire. Oh, how my hearts breaks for your indifference. You're settling and I'm worried that You've missed it. God help us.

It's so weird to see how God's grown me since then. It's hard and sometimes I don't want to think about the me back then. But at the end of the day, when it's all said and done I can say that nothing was owed to me, nothing deserved. Nothing was mine to claim. It's all been a gift from God to a sinner that for whatever reason got grace instead of wrath. I know what I deserve(d). Instead of death, I got life.
-2 Corinthians 5:17 was the theme verse that year I believe.

Perhaps God would do something mighty and great for this seemingly short span of 4 days. And with all that's going on, I have my doubts and fears and insecurities. Asking and expecting such weighty things seems ... frankly, impossible. But I think this is more the context of what Jesus meant when he said to the rich young ruler "What is impossible with men is possible with God." He saves.

Father, we beg for You to move, shape, transform, and in some ways absolutely destroy us and brutally expose us. We don't want to play games. When we stop playing we know that there's more to life than what we're settling for. Help us. We need You. Do something mighty for Your namesake and our joy. We ask for Christ-like endurance and we ask for You to grant us the steadfast love You've shown to sinners like ourselves. Help us have compassion. Help us fix all our hopes and lives on that cross. We're so so prone to lose focus of it and look at shiny toys. May the gospel be rich and weighty Father. Lay it down hard on each of us. And may it lead to genuine, open, honest community where we meet regularly to celebrate Jesus. We desperately desperately need it. We need You. Grant us repentance in some of the dark parts of our hearts. We don't want to rob ourselves any longer. Father, help me personally feel some of the weight in all this. I can't afford to be passive and indifferent in this. Stir me up, break me down and help me cling harder, and plead with more pain. Create in me a heart that doesn't contradict my mind. I pray and beg all of this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.