As learned from a pastor who has been a huge driving force in growing in my love for Christ, there are two questions that have begun to help grow me and push me towards holiness by making me cut the crap of the games i play and honestly look at my heart: "What stirs your affections for Jesus Christ?" and "What robs you of your affections for Jesus Christ?".
Obviously being immersed in the Word and prayer will be there for #1 and blatant sin will always rob us ... but as taught by the same pastor, most of the time what robs us is morally neutral things (things most people wouldn't state as immoral) ... They take a bit of courage for me to recognize and register and I think this list changes faster than I comprehend at the moment. But anyway ... it helps for me to write it out and I'd encourage everyone to do the same. In no way does doing these things or abstaining from these things automatically make me more holy or anything, nor will anyone's lists look exactly the same. But I believe by warring to surround ourselves with what stirs us up for Christ and declare war against the things that rob us of it, it would only "better position ourselves under the waterfall of grace."
1) What stirs my affections for Jesus Christ:
-late nights where I'm the only one awake and it's totally quiet. This is usually when I get my best studying done.
-music and movies that have a lot of angst and portray the brokenness of man in an honest and simple/understandable way.
-listening to "embracing accusation" by shane and shane ... it's a brutal/beautiful reminder of who I am and what Christ has done despite knowing who I am.
-listening to sermons by matt chandler, along with a few others
-long walks by myself in locations I'm at often ... when no one else is awake and about ... where I reflect and audibly pray.
-taking a step back from whatever I'm doing and observing people. Usually the eyes tell a lot of different stories and it fires me up to keep going.
-Reminiscing the past ... reading old journal entries, looking at old pictures, visiting old familiar places
-Small everyday discomforts ... Initially I'll complain/question why I do them sometimes but eventually it helps remind me that my citizenship, my home is in heaven and not here.
-good food with friends and/or family. this will involve meat and soda most of the time ...
-late night chats with brothers in Christ ... about Christ.
-Driving by myself
-Traveling
-Reading in general
2) What robs me of my affections for Jesus Christ:
-hours of facebook, youtube, blog sites, clutchfans, etc. These things can be good outlets for the other category as well but I'll find myself going "what did I just do the last 3 hours!?"
-basketball
-Watching television shows regularly
-Playing video games for extended amounts of time
-Not getting enough rest (paradoxical in ways with my late nights)
-Retreating myself/fleeing from community ... they lead to self-pity.
-drumming ... I find myself thinking too much about technique more than the God I'm playing for. Like a lot of the things on this list, this is subtle, making it more dangerous
-constant comparing myself to others
-lying in bed too long (oversleeping or just resting there for too long)
-lack of any plan for intentional time management
-putting things under the scope of religion rather than Jesus.
-blogging too much ... ha
-Apathy towards everyday word choice
-Hours of empty conversations (esp. with believers)
-Letting the name of Jesus be used more in context of jokes than in worship and awe.
*I'll try to update this after 6 month intervals ... But something tells me I'll have already felt this to be outdated soon.*
What stirs your affections for Jesus Christ?
What robs you of those affections?
About Me
- JonLau910
- "The good, bad, ugly, Lord use it. I just want You to be glorified through it." -Andy Mineo
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
So far ...
Scattered: It has been an incredibly scattered semester for me as I am in the middle of my second year of college at Baylor University. There doesn't ever seem to be a rhythm for me to catch myself and get going. I constantly don't have the same feeling of things that used to bring me pleasure. When I walk alone, I constantly keep hearing in my head "I don't belong here. I wasn't made for here." And at the same time there is an absolute weight put on me for things bigger than me, bigger than us. I don't know how to describe that. It's just unbelievably painful and leaves me unsatisfied and full of angst to the point where I want to scream and cry at the same time. And as I'm getting to know more people and understanding and seeing the scars of their past that has resulted in bitterness (specifically bitterness towards certain groups of the people in church), on top of older friends who all have their own deals going on, I can't but feel utterly alone. No one ever tells you that growing in Christ leaves you with a lot of dark days of the soul. No one ever tells you that growing in Christ, knowing that your citizenship is in heaven and not here on earth, would leave you feeling like an alien in a foreign land. Somehow though the Bible is astoundingly clear that "Every man who desires to live a Godly life will be persecuted," I haven't heard this taught much.
Sanctification: has been absolutely brutal and especially harsh this last month or so. By grace, God is humbling me in such a way that it leaves me incredibly humiliated. I don't know as much as I thought. No matter how hard I try, I can't get people to love Jesus and war for His glory alongside me. I struggle with wanting to contextualize Jesus to be more attractive and trusting in the 100% sufficiency of the scriptures ... I struggle with constantly comparing myself to others, nullifying the offense of the cross. I struggle with the daily battle of walking in obedience and compassion when I am talked down as a child by a person who is lost in his own pride. And I'm competitive by nature so too many a time I find myself having to repent for competition ... religious competition. Stupid, pointless, God-belittling, cross-nullifying sin ay?
So as part of my role for a campus fellowship group/organization (Asians for Christ) I co-lead a small group of older guys and girls and by God's grace, it has been going fairly well. It was progressing and the gospel was weighing in on people's hearts oh so slowly. This past week, however, was easily the most dry, most empty, monologue (you never want a small group to be this ...) of a meeting. Mel and I had studied the passage earlier and were kinda excited about what God would do through it, yet for some reason, God didn't bring our usual group of people due to mid-term week I suppose, and instead brought others who didn't say a word the whole time. Frustrated and frazzled, I try (present tense) to not let it get to me. I preach to myself that the transforming work of the gospel doesn't solely lie on my ability to facilitate and communicate a text. I wrestle with knowing and trusting God's sovereignty in this and that it wasn't some kind of punishment that God had out for me that small group this week was the most frustratingly stale one this year. After that brutally agonizing, long-suffering hour and a half of dead-silent bible study, I'd never felt and related with a biblical character so close as I did with the prophet Jeremiah in that moment. There were a lot of thoughts and many texts in the Bible that read that moment in time but really ... all I can do is war to walk faithfully in obedience with the talents given me, even if no one but 2 hear the message ... but man, it's extremely tough.
Grace: I still am being affected by all these things I've mentioned but I really am thankful in the grace and mercy of God that I can see and have faith in all of these factors being part of my progressive sanctification. Broken, confused, wicked soul that I am, I can see all of this being God's process of purifying me, plundering/restoring my heart, and growing me to be the man He's bidding me to be. I know myself enough to know that this isn't something I can take credit for and pat myself on the back for. There are countless areas that my heart doesn't want Christ to take hold of. There will probably be a lot more instances of humiliating repentance. But through it all, scattered mind, lustful heart, wicked soul that I am, the gospel of Jesus Christ, splattered and cut to pieces on a cross in spite of my offense and rebellion ... This has sustained me.
Need: The gospel will never be something that we know well enough to not need anymore. It is for both the unbeliever and the believer. I'm learning this with large amounts of frustration, angst, and thankfulness. I don't trust God in a lot of areas in my life. I care, think about, and value who I'm going to be way more than I do for the glory and renown of the God of the universe. But by grace, Jesus keeps relentlessly attacking (plundering?) my heart.
Begging: I'm begging for God to weigh in more heavily on this heart of mine and I'm praying for the gospel of Jesus Christ, as proclaimed from the scriptures, to transform and 180 the lives of the people around me ... from the skeptical agnostic to the church goer who knows enough about Jesus to not want more, to the person who adores a god they have made up and is not found in the scriptures ...
Collision: All these forces (and perhaps many more) are colliding right now with the gospel of Jesus and somehow I'm seeing more of Jesus' saving work through this ... That He, by sheer grace, with a jealousy to take back what is rightfully His, would bind Satan, and rescue sinners who deserve to die, restoring them from once dead sinners to adopted sons ... All that is going on, every thought, every sinful tendency of my wicked heart, every area where I think I am smarter than God in ... All of it is colliding with this gospel. The only reason I can keep going is because of this. All of life comes down to this. May my response of his response to my offense be an aroma pleasing to the Lord. Hallelujah for the cross.
God help us for Your namesake.
Sanctification: has been absolutely brutal and especially harsh this last month or so. By grace, God is humbling me in such a way that it leaves me incredibly humiliated. I don't know as much as I thought. No matter how hard I try, I can't get people to love Jesus and war for His glory alongside me. I struggle with wanting to contextualize Jesus to be more attractive and trusting in the 100% sufficiency of the scriptures ... I struggle with constantly comparing myself to others, nullifying the offense of the cross. I struggle with the daily battle of walking in obedience and compassion when I am talked down as a child by a person who is lost in his own pride. And I'm competitive by nature so too many a time I find myself having to repent for competition ... religious competition. Stupid, pointless, God-belittling, cross-nullifying sin ay?
So as part of my role for a campus fellowship group/organization (Asians for Christ) I co-lead a small group of older guys and girls and by God's grace, it has been going fairly well. It was progressing and the gospel was weighing in on people's hearts oh so slowly. This past week, however, was easily the most dry, most empty, monologue (you never want a small group to be this ...) of a meeting. Mel and I had studied the passage earlier and were kinda excited about what God would do through it, yet for some reason, God didn't bring our usual group of people due to mid-term week I suppose, and instead brought others who didn't say a word the whole time. Frustrated and frazzled, I try (present tense) to not let it get to me. I preach to myself that the transforming work of the gospel doesn't solely lie on my ability to facilitate and communicate a text. I wrestle with knowing and trusting God's sovereignty in this and that it wasn't some kind of punishment that God had out for me that small group this week was the most frustratingly stale one this year. After that brutally agonizing, long-suffering hour and a half of dead-silent bible study, I'd never felt and related with a biblical character so close as I did with the prophet Jeremiah in that moment. There were a lot of thoughts and many texts in the Bible that read that moment in time but really ... all I can do is war to walk faithfully in obedience with the talents given me, even if no one but 2 hear the message ... but man, it's extremely tough.
Grace: I still am being affected by all these things I've mentioned but I really am thankful in the grace and mercy of God that I can see and have faith in all of these factors being part of my progressive sanctification. Broken, confused, wicked soul that I am, I can see all of this being God's process of purifying me, plundering/restoring my heart, and growing me to be the man He's bidding me to be. I know myself enough to know that this isn't something I can take credit for and pat myself on the back for. There are countless areas that my heart doesn't want Christ to take hold of. There will probably be a lot more instances of humiliating repentance. But through it all, scattered mind, lustful heart, wicked soul that I am, the gospel of Jesus Christ, splattered and cut to pieces on a cross in spite of my offense and rebellion ... This has sustained me.
Need: The gospel will never be something that we know well enough to not need anymore. It is for both the unbeliever and the believer. I'm learning this with large amounts of frustration, angst, and thankfulness. I don't trust God in a lot of areas in my life. I care, think about, and value who I'm going to be way more than I do for the glory and renown of the God of the universe. But by grace, Jesus keeps relentlessly attacking (plundering?) my heart.
Begging: I'm begging for God to weigh in more heavily on this heart of mine and I'm praying for the gospel of Jesus Christ, as proclaimed from the scriptures, to transform and 180 the lives of the people around me ... from the skeptical agnostic to the church goer who knows enough about Jesus to not want more, to the person who adores a god they have made up and is not found in the scriptures ...
Collision: All these forces (and perhaps many more) are colliding right now with the gospel of Jesus and somehow I'm seeing more of Jesus' saving work through this ... That He, by sheer grace, with a jealousy to take back what is rightfully His, would bind Satan, and rescue sinners who deserve to die, restoring them from once dead sinners to adopted sons ... All that is going on, every thought, every sinful tendency of my wicked heart, every area where I think I am smarter than God in ... All of it is colliding with this gospel. The only reason I can keep going is because of this. All of life comes down to this. May my response of his response to my offense be an aroma pleasing to the Lord. Hallelujah for the cross.
God help us for Your namesake.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
"Goodness Gracious."
Ever get hit by God's grace in such a way that it leaves you unnerved and overwhelmed because for some reason He's been so good to you despite you? I'm in a weird season in life and this is a part of it. It demands a response of stewardship. I guess in my situation, I should go play basketball more ... (For some reason, scrawny, lanky kid that I am, God protects me from injury time and time again).
I don't know how to describe how I'd answer the great question "How's life?". It's far from tedious. It's not really excitement upon excitement, but I quite enjoy where I'm at right now ... with all its messiness and my imperfections getting rubbed against, and collided with the perfect God-man, Jesus. I'm thankful that salvation isn't a one-time, one and done, time to do whatever deal ... but that God continually saves us from ourselves. It hurts. It produces agony, angst, and frustration but this is nothing new. Hebrews 11, especially verse 32 on ... and in particular, the last part, really stirs my heart up and strengthens me to keep going. The part "of whom the world was not worthy" (11:38) ... man, I love those verses that has that confidence, that assurance, that powerful, conquering faith that like Paul in Philippians says "What then?" (Philippians 1:18).
So I finally bought a handheld Bible the other day ... I've been kinda lurking (wrong word choice?) around the Baylor bookstore, looking for a good Bible on sale, and I finally found one! It was a New King James version (which I was sorta looking for anyway) and it was only $10! Anyway, one thing I noticed ... the equivalent for the ESV and perhaps NIV's word for "perseverance" is "long suffering" in the NKJV. I found that humourous in a way, and was like "hmm, that totally makes sense."
So I've been trying to get through Jonah lately, and one thing I learned that quite "whoa" ... The "great fish" was an agent for salvation, not an agent for punishment! I never knew that! I always thought Jonah was trippin' thus God done got a big ol' fish to eat that fool and puke him out later. It never occurred to me that the fish was an agent for grace instead of an agent of wrath. It opens up a lot of questions and requires more study of the character of God through just this first chapter or two. Aiya. Random, I'm kinda finding myself very interesting with the flood metaphors ... stuff with a huge, relentlessly violent body of water consuming people. I loved the imagery of fire (and us as the wood) in my study of Jeremiah before, but water has its own element of fear too. I like it.
Random again, I've been reminiscing quite a bit lately. How the heck did I get to where I am today? It blows my mind because man ... It's all God's grace.
Goodness gracious, this is long. Yay random things. Grace and peace BASIC,
-Jon
I don't know how to describe how I'd answer the great question "How's life?". It's far from tedious. It's not really excitement upon excitement, but I quite enjoy where I'm at right now ... with all its messiness and my imperfections getting rubbed against, and collided with the perfect God-man, Jesus. I'm thankful that salvation isn't a one-time, one and done, time to do whatever deal ... but that God continually saves us from ourselves. It hurts. It produces agony, angst, and frustration but this is nothing new. Hebrews 11, especially verse 32 on ... and in particular, the last part, really stirs my heart up and strengthens me to keep going. The part "of whom the world was not worthy" (11:38) ... man, I love those verses that has that confidence, that assurance, that powerful, conquering faith that like Paul in Philippians says "What then?" (Philippians 1:18).
So I finally bought a handheld Bible the other day ... I've been kinda lurking (wrong word choice?) around the Baylor bookstore, looking for a good Bible on sale, and I finally found one! It was a New King James version (which I was sorta looking for anyway) and it was only $10! Anyway, one thing I noticed ... the equivalent for the ESV and perhaps NIV's word for "perseverance" is "long suffering" in the NKJV. I found that humourous in a way, and was like "hmm, that totally makes sense."
So I've been trying to get through Jonah lately, and one thing I learned that quite "whoa" ... The "great fish" was an agent for salvation, not an agent for punishment! I never knew that! I always thought Jonah was trippin' thus God done got a big ol' fish to eat that fool and puke him out later. It never occurred to me that the fish was an agent for grace instead of an agent of wrath. It opens up a lot of questions and requires more study of the character of God through just this first chapter or two. Aiya. Random, I'm kinda finding myself very interesting with the flood metaphors ... stuff with a huge, relentlessly violent body of water consuming people. I loved the imagery of fire (and us as the wood) in my study of Jeremiah before, but water has its own element of fear too. I like it.
Random again, I've been reminiscing quite a bit lately. How the heck did I get to where I am today? It blows my mind because man ... It's all God's grace.
Goodness gracious, this is long. Yay random things. Grace and peace BASIC,
-Jon
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