No More My God, I boast no more
Of all the duties I have done
I quit the hopes I held before,
To trust the merits of Thy Son
No more my God
No more my God
No more my God
I boast no more
Now, for the loss I bear his name,
What was my gain I count my loss
My former pride I call my shame
And nail my glory to His cross
Yes, and I must, I will esteem
All things but loss for Jesus' sake
O may my soul be found in Him
And of His righteousness partake
Amen, amen
The best obedience of my hands
Dares not appear before Thy throne
But faith can answer Thy demands
By pleading what my Lord has done
-written by Isaac Watts, titled "Hymn 109," based on Philippians 3:7-9
About Me
- JonLau910
- "The good, bad, ugly, Lord use it. I just want You to be glorified through it." -Andy Mineo
Friday, June 26, 2009
Weird Season
I'm at a weird season in life. It kinda seems like half of my friends are and the other half is oblivious to it altogether. What that's translated to is a lot of feeling of distance.
I've noticed that I blindly and ignorantly jump into things without counting the cost. I'm not sure if I pawn it off as some kind of faith thing but there's something very not right about it.
A good measure of where our hearts lie is to look at your day and see what most of it is focused on/what you spend most of your time doing. It's been what I call a "kick in the crotch" for me.
I'm praying and asking for prayer for all of us to repent of thinking that the good things we do somehow are what justifies us. I think a lot of us could recite the message of "grace" and how it's all about Christ and it's "all for his glory" but why does there seem to be a disconnect in the message of God in the flesh nailed and bloodied on a cross and 3 days later resurrected, and how the version of us outside of church, outside of religious gatherings like bible study does life? Shouldn't there be an unnerving self-denying humiliation of self and a broken thanksgiving towards the merciful God? I'm praying and and asking that you and I pray for each other and ourselves to have an affection and aggressive clinging for Jesus. Before salvation, we are the passive ones who are dead in our trespasses and it's all God that intervenes out of mercy. But if we're really born again into life, if we're being made more and more like Christ everyday, then aren't we sposed to be going in the direction of Christ himself? We're not passive anymore if we're of Christ. Our salvation rests on him completely but we're not just sitting in our complacency pitying ourselves and waiting for some other person to kickstart us towards a spiritual high are we?
God, stir our hearts. Tear down the walls we think we can hide behind. You see right into our hearts. Expose us. Bring to light our darkness. Grant us mercy. No matter how much we grow in You, we can't ever say we deserve You. We can't ever base our justification on our goodness because there is no such thing outside of You. Would you destroy the religion in us? Help us God. Grant us a soul that yearns for You. Detach our clinging to people and things. Draw us to You. I pray that you not let the apathetic drown in their complacency and passiveness. Expose them. Expose me. Help us please Father. Hear our prayers.
-Jon
I've noticed that I blindly and ignorantly jump into things without counting the cost. I'm not sure if I pawn it off as some kind of faith thing but there's something very not right about it.
A good measure of where our hearts lie is to look at your day and see what most of it is focused on/what you spend most of your time doing. It's been what I call a "kick in the crotch" for me.
I'm praying and asking for prayer for all of us to repent of thinking that the good things we do somehow are what justifies us. I think a lot of us could recite the message of "grace" and how it's all about Christ and it's "all for his glory" but why does there seem to be a disconnect in the message of God in the flesh nailed and bloodied on a cross and 3 days later resurrected, and how the version of us outside of church, outside of religious gatherings like bible study does life? Shouldn't there be an unnerving self-denying humiliation of self and a broken thanksgiving towards the merciful God? I'm praying and and asking that you and I pray for each other and ourselves to have an affection and aggressive clinging for Jesus. Before salvation, we are the passive ones who are dead in our trespasses and it's all God that intervenes out of mercy. But if we're really born again into life, if we're being made more and more like Christ everyday, then aren't we sposed to be going in the direction of Christ himself? We're not passive anymore if we're of Christ. Our salvation rests on him completely but we're not just sitting in our complacency pitying ourselves and waiting for some other person to kickstart us towards a spiritual high are we?
God, stir our hearts. Tear down the walls we think we can hide behind. You see right into our hearts. Expose us. Bring to light our darkness. Grant us mercy. No matter how much we grow in You, we can't ever say we deserve You. We can't ever base our justification on our goodness because there is no such thing outside of You. Would you destroy the religion in us? Help us God. Grant us a soul that yearns for You. Detach our clinging to people and things. Draw us to You. I pray that you not let the apathetic drown in their complacency and passiveness. Expose them. Expose me. Help us please Father. Hear our prayers.
-Jon
Saturday, June 20, 2009
My story.
So I was required to write this up in preparation for a week long mission trip that I'll be participating in for the week of July 11-18. Please keep us in your prayers.
Testimony of Jon Lau:
The other day I had been posed with a scenario that God used to frighteningly expose my heart. The scenario was that the day of judgment had come and I was standing before Jesus and he asks me “Why should I let you into heaven?”. The frightening thing was that the first word that came to mind was “grace.” Now before I get too high on myself for giving the “correct” answer, the part that God really busted me in was my following thought: “Grace. I know what grace is. I could tell you what grace is.” So though my mind is preaching a doctrine of unmerited favor, my heart was proclaiming a cowardly fear that worked itself out in merit-filled insecurity. It was like I was praying to God, thanking Him of all the good I’ve done, all the knowledge I’ve gained along the way, and I was using that to justify the haunting, relentless feeling that I deserved to stand before God condemned. What God showed me was that unless I’m not crying out “God, be merciful to me, a sinner!” then I won’t go home justified (Luke 18:9-14). Though my mouth and mind can be on the same wavelength in proclaiming “grace,” if my heart and soul are apart from Christ, then I have nothing (John 15:5). The gospel of Jesus Christ has been wrecking my life in similar ways for quite some time now. I thank God for though it hasn’t always brought me happiness, it has brought me abundant joy.
Before Christ took hold of my heart, I lived a fairly happy life. I had my Pokémon cards. I had basketball. I had a family that loved me. I had a good amount of friends. I wasn’t necessarily the worst kid, though I will admit I wasn’t a “good kid.” I thought that’s what life was. Fill yourself with things that you enjoy and relax. Oh, and thank God for the food on the table every night. That’s what my philosophy on life was after a little more than a decade of living and growing up as a Pokémon-loving, basketball-adoring, second-generation, American-born Chinese boy who attended a Chinese, Baptist Church since birth. Attach “do quiet time” somewhere between middle school and freshmen year of high school.
Church was just church to me. It was another place to meet new people and make new friends. And come to think of it, church was just a really big hobby for me honestly. It had everything I loved in my first decade or so of life. My whole family attended. Most of my friends were there every Sunday and they brought their Pokémon cards to play with me. There was basketball after Sunday School. Sometimes the food there wasn’t half bad either. It had everything I could ever want. So having everything I thought I needed, the need for God, the need for a Savior, was not. I mean, I was happy already with all the pleasures that a 12-year-old could have right? I concluded that since I was more often happy than sad (translated in those times … I got what I wanted a fair amount of the time), I was happy. However, it’d take another 5-7 years before I would discover what joy was.
I was content, so why did I need a Savior? I was decently moral and “good.” I mean I was at church every Sunday after all. All that Jesus stuff really didn’t appeal to me from a young age. I mean, I could tell you that “Christ died for my sins” and I could tell you that “Jesus” always was the answer to every question in Sunday School. But when it came to what all that meant to me, I was apathetic. I wouldn’t know what that word meant at that age, but I really had no concern, thought, or affection for God, why the cross is important, why I memorized Bible verses for AWANA, why I prayed before meals, or why I claimed to be a Christian. I figured that as long as I didn’t kill anyone or cuss in public, I was set for heaven, a place I wanted to be, not because of good things I’d heard of it, but more because of the bad things I had heard of hell. Hell scared me. I wanted to be in heaven with all my family, friends, and the things I adored. So when I first “accepted Christ,” and declared that I “believed in Jesus,” I was baptized! All I had to do now was continue to keep on with abiding by (at least trying to obey) the “do not’s” list of morality. That was enough right?
It wasn’t until a then 15-year-old Jon Lau prayed for God to break him in the middle of a mission trip (his first) which he didn’t feel he was ready for, that God unveiled his eyes, took hold of his heart and Christ became a reality, rather than a rumor. Little did I know that God would continue to break me and strip me of the things that clung to what He had made, rather than Him, ever since. To this day, I haven’t recovered from it.
It’s been a real struggle from that post-freshman year of High school summer on to what is now post-freshman year of college. Unlike basketball, finding a rhythm has been a lot more rare. One week I’m relishing in the “joy of my salvation” and the next week I feel like I’m in the Sheol. After many more instances of God having to show me my need for Him, thus leading me to repent, and then finding joy in Him, only to get proud and then God having start the cycle over again, I am who I am today. I don’t expect for God to stop breaking me. I’ve come to find more joy when I pray for Him to continue to do so and to see that prayer fulfilled because I know my tendency to violently cling to creation rather than Creator. I’m just thankful that God is more relentless after my heart than I am for His stuff. What a wretched heart I have. Praise God that I have a more beautiful Savior … That despite my disgusting arrogance, pride, and lust for God’s creation rather than God himself, “that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). Though I am an offender of God, though I am accursed, “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us” (Galatians 3:13) … That “For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him, we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Corinthians 5:21).
I hope and pray that I will never think that I don’t need this gospel anymore. I cringe upon the thought that I would ever think that I don’t need this gospel that proclaims the message of a Savior who by his wounds, we have been healed. Without this good news, without Christ, I am nothing. If not for Christ alone, if not for grace alone, everything else is bad news.
I could go on to share about all this new world of college at Baylor and how it’s just a whole new monster from the trials I had to face in High School. From how I am to do ministry in a community that grew up with the same first half of this testimony, to big career decisions, I could share how God’s grown me. But in the end, It always seems to go back to this overlying message in the Bible that can be summed up as: “He must increase but I must decrease” (John 3:30), “For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself with be exalted” (Luke 18:14).
From these 19 years of life, I have come to know my shortcomings and failures darn well. I’ve learned that on my own, I’m a loser in every sense of the word. I can’t do anything good. I can’t save myself, lest anyone else. I am a selfish offender of God who deserves nothing but the just punishment of sin. I deserve to die. I have never been able to successfully pull off being good enough. But I have peace in knowing that this me that relies on himself to do good, find purpose, to be saved, was “crucified with Christ. And it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. And the life I live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself up for me” (Galatians 2:20). Praise God for being more than enough.
“He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed” (1 Peter 2:24).
Testimony of Jon Lau:
The other day I had been posed with a scenario that God used to frighteningly expose my heart. The scenario was that the day of judgment had come and I was standing before Jesus and he asks me “Why should I let you into heaven?”. The frightening thing was that the first word that came to mind was “grace.” Now before I get too high on myself for giving the “correct” answer, the part that God really busted me in was my following thought: “Grace. I know what grace is. I could tell you what grace is.” So though my mind is preaching a doctrine of unmerited favor, my heart was proclaiming a cowardly fear that worked itself out in merit-filled insecurity. It was like I was praying to God, thanking Him of all the good I’ve done, all the knowledge I’ve gained along the way, and I was using that to justify the haunting, relentless feeling that I deserved to stand before God condemned. What God showed me was that unless I’m not crying out “God, be merciful to me, a sinner!” then I won’t go home justified (Luke 18:9-14). Though my mouth and mind can be on the same wavelength in proclaiming “grace,” if my heart and soul are apart from Christ, then I have nothing (John 15:5). The gospel of Jesus Christ has been wrecking my life in similar ways for quite some time now. I thank God for though it hasn’t always brought me happiness, it has brought me abundant joy.
Before Christ took hold of my heart, I lived a fairly happy life. I had my Pokémon cards. I had basketball. I had a family that loved me. I had a good amount of friends. I wasn’t necessarily the worst kid, though I will admit I wasn’t a “good kid.” I thought that’s what life was. Fill yourself with things that you enjoy and relax. Oh, and thank God for the food on the table every night. That’s what my philosophy on life was after a little more than a decade of living and growing up as a Pokémon-loving, basketball-adoring, second-generation, American-born Chinese boy who attended a Chinese, Baptist Church since birth. Attach “do quiet time” somewhere between middle school and freshmen year of high school.
Church was just church to me. It was another place to meet new people and make new friends. And come to think of it, church was just a really big hobby for me honestly. It had everything I loved in my first decade or so of life. My whole family attended. Most of my friends were there every Sunday and they brought their Pokémon cards to play with me. There was basketball after Sunday School. Sometimes the food there wasn’t half bad either. It had everything I could ever want. So having everything I thought I needed, the need for God, the need for a Savior, was not. I mean, I was happy already with all the pleasures that a 12-year-old could have right? I concluded that since I was more often happy than sad (translated in those times … I got what I wanted a fair amount of the time), I was happy. However, it’d take another 5-7 years before I would discover what joy was.
I was content, so why did I need a Savior? I was decently moral and “good.” I mean I was at church every Sunday after all. All that Jesus stuff really didn’t appeal to me from a young age. I mean, I could tell you that “Christ died for my sins” and I could tell you that “Jesus” always was the answer to every question in Sunday School. But when it came to what all that meant to me, I was apathetic. I wouldn’t know what that word meant at that age, but I really had no concern, thought, or affection for God, why the cross is important, why I memorized Bible verses for AWANA, why I prayed before meals, or why I claimed to be a Christian. I figured that as long as I didn’t kill anyone or cuss in public, I was set for heaven, a place I wanted to be, not because of good things I’d heard of it, but more because of the bad things I had heard of hell. Hell scared me. I wanted to be in heaven with all my family, friends, and the things I adored. So when I first “accepted Christ,” and declared that I “believed in Jesus,” I was baptized! All I had to do now was continue to keep on with abiding by (at least trying to obey) the “do not’s” list of morality. That was enough right?
It wasn’t until a then 15-year-old Jon Lau prayed for God to break him in the middle of a mission trip (his first) which he didn’t feel he was ready for, that God unveiled his eyes, took hold of his heart and Christ became a reality, rather than a rumor. Little did I know that God would continue to break me and strip me of the things that clung to what He had made, rather than Him, ever since. To this day, I haven’t recovered from it.
It’s been a real struggle from that post-freshman year of High school summer on to what is now post-freshman year of college. Unlike basketball, finding a rhythm has been a lot more rare. One week I’m relishing in the “joy of my salvation” and the next week I feel like I’m in the Sheol. After many more instances of God having to show me my need for Him, thus leading me to repent, and then finding joy in Him, only to get proud and then God having start the cycle over again, I am who I am today. I don’t expect for God to stop breaking me. I’ve come to find more joy when I pray for Him to continue to do so and to see that prayer fulfilled because I know my tendency to violently cling to creation rather than Creator. I’m just thankful that God is more relentless after my heart than I am for His stuff. What a wretched heart I have. Praise God that I have a more beautiful Savior … That despite my disgusting arrogance, pride, and lust for God’s creation rather than God himself, “that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). Though I am an offender of God, though I am accursed, “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us” (Galatians 3:13) … That “For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him, we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Corinthians 5:21).
I hope and pray that I will never think that I don’t need this gospel anymore. I cringe upon the thought that I would ever think that I don’t need this gospel that proclaims the message of a Savior who by his wounds, we have been healed. Without this good news, without Christ, I am nothing. If not for Christ alone, if not for grace alone, everything else is bad news.
I could go on to share about all this new world of college at Baylor and how it’s just a whole new monster from the trials I had to face in High School. From how I am to do ministry in a community that grew up with the same first half of this testimony, to big career decisions, I could share how God’s grown me. But in the end, It always seems to go back to this overlying message in the Bible that can be summed up as: “He must increase but I must decrease” (John 3:30), “For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself with be exalted” (Luke 18:14).
From these 19 years of life, I have come to know my shortcomings and failures darn well. I’ve learned that on my own, I’m a loser in every sense of the word. I can’t do anything good. I can’t save myself, lest anyone else. I am a selfish offender of God who deserves nothing but the just punishment of sin. I deserve to die. I have never been able to successfully pull off being good enough. But I have peace in knowing that this me that relies on himself to do good, find purpose, to be saved, was “crucified with Christ. And it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. And the life I live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself up for me” (Galatians 2:20). Praise God for being more than enough.
“He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed” (1 Peter 2:24).
Sunday, June 14, 2009
"Not the Type"
This Sunday morning was, up to this point in my life, one of the most scattered 24 hours of my life. I say that because I was so fired up and joyous about what God was doing in me and through me, what he was revealing in scripture and meditation, and just in the way that he stirred renewed hope in those around me that I'd lost hope in. And at the same time I was relishing that all of these blessings would come to THIS sinner!? This was overwhelming me so much that I literally couldn't fall asleep. In the middle of seeing the night become morning before my eyes (which still freaks me out every time ...), and after praying for discernment of whether I should force myself to sleep or go without it totally, I eventually said "screw sleep" at around 7am or so. I found myself a thirst for scripture and I began to read the last chapters of Luke and though briefly read with no hardcore, in-depth, inductive bible study, I subtly grew to feel a little more weight with the more I read. It's just a very humbling experience every time I read about the last hours of Jesus' life ... because though sometimes I'll ask and arouse stupid questions like the disciples did of "Who is the greatest?" (Luke 22:24-30 ... I still find it kinda funny and kinda disturbing at the timing of the disciple's question ... right before the crucifixion ...), I can't really come out of it going "Ya! That was a great story about me and my goodness!" Thank God. I hadta finish reading it in time to make service heh so I showered, got dressed and got ready.
So I drive to church in silence and I'm still fired up and eventually I get there. I'm a little late ... Maybe missed the first 5 minutes but oh well. The service was good (Somehow Sunday services have been different to me ... but I can rant about that some other time). Felt quick. I like the series we're doing on the scriptures. Today we went through 2 Timothy 3. So I get to Sunday School hour and 10 minutes in (I guess you call this "loitering" where you're just kinda chatting around with whoever), I run into my aunt whom I haven't really caught up with since summer began. She's not really my aunt in blood or anything but we're related enough to see each other during holiday gatherings (Eh it doesn't matter cuz in Chinese culture you call everyone aunt and uncle anyway). We had a little chit chat and before she was about to head off to Sunday School, I asked her where her daughter, my cousin, was. I've been particularly concerned for her in terms of life and her not getting the gospel. My aunt told me she was was at service but then left, saying that "You know her." So a little bumbed I questioned for clarification that I wouldn't see her in Sunday School to which the response of her mom was "eh, she's "just not the type. Maybe one day she'll wake up. " I'm not sure whether these words can convey the tone and understood concern and broken desperation for her daughter and my friend and cousin. I just nodded, brokenhearted on the inside but wearing an indifferent grin. We say our goodbyes and I go to Sunday School. I prayed earlier that somehow God would help me out with this whole not sleeping the night before thing, knowing that this type of prayer has gone unanswered numerous amounts of times during my all-nighters the previous semester of college ... But this time He was faithful. I just remember sitting in class having a barrage of thoughts coming every which way about this. I was an emotional wreck and it spurred me to kinda just say things out loud to the class that I normally keep in to keep quiet and not appear like a religious guy. I don't really know what even went on in my mind that whole time. I guess I could read what I wrote in my notebook during that time. I titled it "How'd I get here?". Heh. All I know is that that phrase ... "she's JUST NOT THE TYPE" was the one that haunted me throughout.
The thing that makes my heart cringe is not just all the theological confusion going on in the words conveyed. The thing that tears me up inside is that the message of the Bible was never meant to be a book for a "type of people." Never did I read anything about Jesus coming only to those worthy of his presence ... Because none were. None are. Rich and poor alike, young and old, foolish and wise, kings and beggars, men and women, fathers and children, Jew and Gentile, fishermen and experts in the law, Pharisees and tax collectors, doubters and slanderers, adulterers and liars, demonic and religious, older brother and prodigal son, persecutor and murderer of Christians and whacky prophets, stutterers and screw ups, wicked sinners and religious, "church goers" and those who didn't give a spit about any of it; pagan worshippers and magic practicioners; peasants and princes; etc. are the type of people we find that cling to this Jesus of the Bible.
Their home groups would have been interesting ... In the book of Acts alone you have people ranging from a weird magic practicing weirdo named Simon (Acts 8:9-13), a blaspheming, violent murderer of God's people named Saul ... who turns out to later write the majority of the New Testament (Acts 9), a Suburban wealthy God-fearing woman named Lydia (Acts 16:11-15), and a blue collar, lower level Roman soldier/Philippian jailer (Acts 16:25-34), who all come and are gathered because of Christ alone. If left alone in a room without Christ, these people would probably tear each other apart. It's not that these people were "good enough" to be "the type" of church-going folk that we see everyday on Sunday. These were genuine people of different levels of socioeconomic status, different ethnicities and cultures, different ages, different genders, different philosophies on life and who God is. Yet all share a fellowship because of our great mediator and savior Jesus Christ.
All throughout scripture and particularly in the gospels you've got just jacked up people ... Ya everyone is jacked up. But it's interesting and awesome that when ordinary city folk of various cities hear this man's claims to be God in the flesh, the bread of life, life to the full ... When they hear that this man speaks with AUTHORITY, the flock to him. They run and chase and cling to this guy. And so often we see people like the blind beggar (Luke 18:35-43) shout out in complete desperation and humility: "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!" And even when those in front rebuke him and tell him to shut up he cries out louder "Son of David, have mercy on me!" The gospels tell so many instances of the inadequate screw ups and rejects and outcasts of the city crying out for Jesus to heal them ... to save them. From the dropouts in High School (equivalent to the fishermen) to the experts of the law (equivalent to maybe an esteemed college professor and/or maybe a very highly esteemed expert in a particular study), Jesus is going after the hearts of not only the rejects of society but the proud and the arrogant as well. He totally deconstructs the idea that the tax collectors were too unworthy to be saved and he continually works and speaks in a way that deconstructs the idea that the Pharisees have some sort of special favor from God because of their outstanding moral deeds. In Luke 18:9-14, Jesus unapologetically speaks the truth that religion and morality don't justify, and in the end, even fasting twice a week and tithing on everything you have, doesn't save. Jesus says that the tax collector, the one who is so ashamed of his wickedness that he wont even enter the synagogue, the one who can't even "lift his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast saying, 'God, be merciful to me, a sinner!" (Luke 18:13) ... Jesus says this guy is justified. In both ways, Jesus doesn't neglect the other. He time and time again says "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28). I think we think that Jesus just wanted to own the Pharisees up and just tear them apart and so in the end we ironically become Pharisees and try to do the same to those whom we look down upon. But not so with Jesus. If Jesus had NOT relentlessly rebuked them, he wouldn't have been loving. No, Jesus intentionally goes to BOTH the tax collector (Luke 5:27-32; 19:1-10) and the Pharisees (Luke 7:36-50; 11:37-43; 14).
Jesus tells a parable (Luke 15) of a son who basically says "Dad, you're as good as dead to me, gimme my inheritance and let me be" and how even when that son who has wandered has squandered all that he had in reckless living, the Father humiliatingly and shamefully runs out to embrace His son right when he sees him from a distance. From the perspective of an old man lifting up his robe and exposing his undergarments to run out to embrace the son, this is ridiculous. But it doesn't stop there. The wayward son, having memorized and recited to himself what he would say to his father, overwhelmed by the grace of his father, doesn't even bother to try to offer repayment of his reckless living by being a lowly servant of his father for he knows that he doesn't have to prove himself. He's already loved. No act or work by his hand can justify his life lived in darkness and blatant recklessness. And this is where most of us end the story. But Jesus goes on to mention the other main character in the story: the older brother. Jesus doesn't just go after the blatant "sinner" and outcast of Jewish society at the time. He goes after the heart of the jealous older brother who though he obeyed all the commands and probably did all the right moral things, didn't get the gospel.
From the story of how one sister who was so busy and distracted doing all the right things and the seemingly inconsiderate sister who instead of helping her sister in the kitchen was at the feet of Jesus listening to his every word (Luke 10:38-42) ... to the sinful woman who in the presence of haughty, educated religious men (Pharisees), stood behind Jesus at his feet, and weeping her heart out, kissed his feet and anointed them with the ointment of an alabaster flask (Luke 7:36-50) ... to the Roman official in the Roman guard, who is high up in the military system, who pleads to Jesus that though unworthy, if Jesus say the word, his servant be healed (Luke 7:1-10) ... to the call for an uneducated low-life fisherman (who evidently was struggling with their expertise), who in response to Jesus' bringing so many fish that it began to sink the boat, cried "Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O LORD," Jesus goes "Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching men" (Luke 5:1-11) ...
This great gospel of Jesus Christ, this Jesus revealed to us in Scripture is NOT a savior for a certain type of people. This Jesus is he whom so many of totally different people with totally different times, ethnicities, cultures, preconceptions, socioeconomic statuses, philosophies, and baggage, call Lord and Savior.
Jesus didn't come to only save those of us church-goers who listen to Hillsong and David Crowder, wear Christian t-shirts and crosses on our necks. Jesus didn't come to only save those who purchase Christan books and hold a Bible up on a display case in our living room. The Gospel of Jesus isn't just for those who purchase Wayne Grudem Systematic theology books nor is it just for those whose only mantra about God is "God is love." And the Gospel isn't just for the outcast and abusive alcoholic. This gospel of Jesus Christ is an all-inclusive one that absolutely destroys any notion that says that one has to adjust his or her lifestyle to fit a certain type of person before God will love them. The Gospel is "not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins" (1 John 4:10).
"He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world" (1 John 2:2).
Father, help us. I think the tendency is for us to always compartmentalize You into a quiet time or make "following Christ" about what we can do and how good we are for it. Would you bust us in the times our hearts deceive us in such a way? Would you continue to relentlessly tug and pull on our hearts and lead us to repentance ... because of grace, not guilt? No matter how eloquent I think I am or will be, I can't save my cousin and friend. Only You can. Have mercy on us all Father. We need You more than we know. Would you have our pride collide with grace and mercy? Would you let me live to see the day that my cousin cries out to you "God, be merciful to me, a sinner!" Help us please Father.
So I drive to church in silence and I'm still fired up and eventually I get there. I'm a little late ... Maybe missed the first 5 minutes but oh well. The service was good (Somehow Sunday services have been different to me ... but I can rant about that some other time). Felt quick. I like the series we're doing on the scriptures. Today we went through 2 Timothy 3. So I get to Sunday School hour and 10 minutes in (I guess you call this "loitering" where you're just kinda chatting around with whoever), I run into my aunt whom I haven't really caught up with since summer began. She's not really my aunt in blood or anything but we're related enough to see each other during holiday gatherings (Eh it doesn't matter cuz in Chinese culture you call everyone aunt and uncle anyway). We had a little chit chat and before she was about to head off to Sunday School, I asked her where her daughter, my cousin, was. I've been particularly concerned for her in terms of life and her not getting the gospel. My aunt told me she was was at service but then left, saying that "You know her." So a little bumbed I questioned for clarification that I wouldn't see her in Sunday School to which the response of her mom was "eh, she's "just not the type. Maybe one day she'll wake up. " I'm not sure whether these words can convey the tone and understood concern and broken desperation for her daughter and my friend and cousin. I just nodded, brokenhearted on the inside but wearing an indifferent grin. We say our goodbyes and I go to Sunday School. I prayed earlier that somehow God would help me out with this whole not sleeping the night before thing, knowing that this type of prayer has gone unanswered numerous amounts of times during my all-nighters the previous semester of college ... But this time He was faithful. I just remember sitting in class having a barrage of thoughts coming every which way about this. I was an emotional wreck and it spurred me to kinda just say things out loud to the class that I normally keep in to keep quiet and not appear like a religious guy. I don't really know what even went on in my mind that whole time. I guess I could read what I wrote in my notebook during that time. I titled it "How'd I get here?". Heh. All I know is that that phrase ... "she's JUST NOT THE TYPE" was the one that haunted me throughout.
The thing that makes my heart cringe is not just all the theological confusion going on in the words conveyed. The thing that tears me up inside is that the message of the Bible was never meant to be a book for a "type of people." Never did I read anything about Jesus coming only to those worthy of his presence ... Because none were. None are. Rich and poor alike, young and old, foolish and wise, kings and beggars, men and women, fathers and children, Jew and Gentile, fishermen and experts in the law, Pharisees and tax collectors, doubters and slanderers, adulterers and liars, demonic and religious, older brother and prodigal son, persecutor and murderer of Christians and whacky prophets, stutterers and screw ups, wicked sinners and religious, "church goers" and those who didn't give a spit about any of it; pagan worshippers and magic practicioners; peasants and princes; etc. are the type of people we find that cling to this Jesus of the Bible.
Their home groups would have been interesting ... In the book of Acts alone you have people ranging from a weird magic practicing weirdo named Simon (Acts 8:9-13), a blaspheming, violent murderer of God's people named Saul ... who turns out to later write the majority of the New Testament (Acts 9), a Suburban wealthy God-fearing woman named Lydia (Acts 16:11-15), and a blue collar, lower level Roman soldier/Philippian jailer (Acts 16:25-34), who all come and are gathered because of Christ alone. If left alone in a room without Christ, these people would probably tear each other apart. It's not that these people were "good enough" to be "the type" of church-going folk that we see everyday on Sunday. These were genuine people of different levels of socioeconomic status, different ethnicities and cultures, different ages, different genders, different philosophies on life and who God is. Yet all share a fellowship because of our great mediator and savior Jesus Christ.
All throughout scripture and particularly in the gospels you've got just jacked up people ... Ya everyone is jacked up. But it's interesting and awesome that when ordinary city folk of various cities hear this man's claims to be God in the flesh, the bread of life, life to the full ... When they hear that this man speaks with AUTHORITY, the flock to him. They run and chase and cling to this guy. And so often we see people like the blind beggar (Luke 18:35-43) shout out in complete desperation and humility: "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!" And even when those in front rebuke him and tell him to shut up he cries out louder "Son of David, have mercy on me!" The gospels tell so many instances of the inadequate screw ups and rejects and outcasts of the city crying out for Jesus to heal them ... to save them. From the dropouts in High School (equivalent to the fishermen) to the experts of the law (equivalent to maybe an esteemed college professor and/or maybe a very highly esteemed expert in a particular study), Jesus is going after the hearts of not only the rejects of society but the proud and the arrogant as well. He totally deconstructs the idea that the tax collectors were too unworthy to be saved and he continually works and speaks in a way that deconstructs the idea that the Pharisees have some sort of special favor from God because of their outstanding moral deeds. In Luke 18:9-14, Jesus unapologetically speaks the truth that religion and morality don't justify, and in the end, even fasting twice a week and tithing on everything you have, doesn't save. Jesus says that the tax collector, the one who is so ashamed of his wickedness that he wont even enter the synagogue, the one who can't even "lift his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast saying, 'God, be merciful to me, a sinner!" (Luke 18:13) ... Jesus says this guy is justified. In both ways, Jesus doesn't neglect the other. He time and time again says "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28). I think we think that Jesus just wanted to own the Pharisees up and just tear them apart and so in the end we ironically become Pharisees and try to do the same to those whom we look down upon. But not so with Jesus. If Jesus had NOT relentlessly rebuked them, he wouldn't have been loving. No, Jesus intentionally goes to BOTH the tax collector (Luke 5:27-32; 19:1-10) and the Pharisees (Luke 7:36-50; 11:37-43; 14).
Jesus tells a parable (Luke 15) of a son who basically says "Dad, you're as good as dead to me, gimme my inheritance and let me be" and how even when that son who has wandered has squandered all that he had in reckless living, the Father humiliatingly and shamefully runs out to embrace His son right when he sees him from a distance. From the perspective of an old man lifting up his robe and exposing his undergarments to run out to embrace the son, this is ridiculous. But it doesn't stop there. The wayward son, having memorized and recited to himself what he would say to his father, overwhelmed by the grace of his father, doesn't even bother to try to offer repayment of his reckless living by being a lowly servant of his father for he knows that he doesn't have to prove himself. He's already loved. No act or work by his hand can justify his life lived in darkness and blatant recklessness. And this is where most of us end the story. But Jesus goes on to mention the other main character in the story: the older brother. Jesus doesn't just go after the blatant "sinner" and outcast of Jewish society at the time. He goes after the heart of the jealous older brother who though he obeyed all the commands and probably did all the right moral things, didn't get the gospel.
From the story of how one sister who was so busy and distracted doing all the right things and the seemingly inconsiderate sister who instead of helping her sister in the kitchen was at the feet of Jesus listening to his every word (Luke 10:38-42) ... to the sinful woman who in the presence of haughty, educated religious men (Pharisees), stood behind Jesus at his feet, and weeping her heart out, kissed his feet and anointed them with the ointment of an alabaster flask (Luke 7:36-50) ... to the Roman official in the Roman guard, who is high up in the military system, who pleads to Jesus that though unworthy, if Jesus say the word, his servant be healed (Luke 7:1-10) ... to the call for an uneducated low-life fisherman (who evidently was struggling with their expertise), who in response to Jesus' bringing so many fish that it began to sink the boat, cried "Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O LORD," Jesus goes "Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching men" (Luke 5:1-11) ...
This great gospel of Jesus Christ, this Jesus revealed to us in Scripture is NOT a savior for a certain type of people. This Jesus is he whom so many of totally different people with totally different times, ethnicities, cultures, preconceptions, socioeconomic statuses, philosophies, and baggage, call Lord and Savior.
Jesus didn't come to only save those of us church-goers who listen to Hillsong and David Crowder, wear Christian t-shirts and crosses on our necks. Jesus didn't come to only save those who purchase Christan books and hold a Bible up on a display case in our living room. The Gospel of Jesus isn't just for those who purchase Wayne Grudem Systematic theology books nor is it just for those whose only mantra about God is "God is love." And the Gospel isn't just for the outcast and abusive alcoholic. This gospel of Jesus Christ is an all-inclusive one that absolutely destroys any notion that says that one has to adjust his or her lifestyle to fit a certain type of person before God will love them. The Gospel is "not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins" (1 John 4:10).
"He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world" (1 John 2:2).
Father, help us. I think the tendency is for us to always compartmentalize You into a quiet time or make "following Christ" about what we can do and how good we are for it. Would you bust us in the times our hearts deceive us in such a way? Would you continue to relentlessly tug and pull on our hearts and lead us to repentance ... because of grace, not guilt? No matter how eloquent I think I am or will be, I can't save my cousin and friend. Only You can. Have mercy on us all Father. We need You more than we know. Would you have our pride collide with grace and mercy? Would you let me live to see the day that my cousin cries out to you "God, be merciful to me, a sinner!" Help us please Father.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Laying it out there.
I must have written about this before, but never have I felt so outta place for such a long stretch of time. I'm not talking so much about being outta place in a social setting. I'm just talking about in general. My mind is scattered beyond scattered. Things I used to cling to are no longer as desirable. Home just feels foreign to me still. And I know something's very wretched in my heart but I feel just distant from a lot of the people I've grown up with. We still have a mutual love and care for each other but it's just different now.
I guess what God's doing and working on me of at this season in my life is the lesson that nothing's owed to me. Every breath I breathe is a gift and He's kinda unsubtly telling me to be a good steward of the gift of life with every day I'm here. So there's a certain, intentional urgency going about me right now. And everything is seeming to come my way right now. I'm struggling to balance it all but I'll be fine.
Driving back home from Java Jam just a little while ago, I was thinking to myself in the car that I'm not going to run from this calling God's put on my life. I think I've run from it so persistently and fearfully is because a) what people would think and b) my cowardly fear. I'm not going to be apologetic about my words anymore really. Frankly I'm sick of it. There's enough of that neat and tidy language in the world and in the church as it is. I'm willing to lay my life on the gospel. And I know that this bitterness inside of me of thinking that no one else is stems from a wretched sinful heart. But I think at this season in my life, I've got to come to grips with myself and stop running from the calling I've received.
It's hard. Every night I come off a good night spent with family or friends, and I drive back home by myself, I seem to get these thoughts that incessantly torment me. I thank God for I know this is the Holy Spirit convicting and pulling and tugging at me. It's anything but pretty. But I know this is for His glory and for my good so I'm going to run with it.
The next step for me to take is to get confirmation by talking to a few select, older individuals. Pray for my boldness in that.
God, may I never stray from the gospel. I can't. Help me cling to You God. Nothing else satisfies. No one else fulfills. No other created thing can produce joy. Only You can. Forgive this bitter heart and lead me to repentance Father for I'm such a disgusting sinner. Lead me to the cross. I can't boast in anything else. Help me. Help us.
-Jon
I guess what God's doing and working on me of at this season in my life is the lesson that nothing's owed to me. Every breath I breathe is a gift and He's kinda unsubtly telling me to be a good steward of the gift of life with every day I'm here. So there's a certain, intentional urgency going about me right now. And everything is seeming to come my way right now. I'm struggling to balance it all but I'll be fine.
Driving back home from Java Jam just a little while ago, I was thinking to myself in the car that I'm not going to run from this calling God's put on my life. I think I've run from it so persistently and fearfully is because a) what people would think and b) my cowardly fear. I'm not going to be apologetic about my words anymore really. Frankly I'm sick of it. There's enough of that neat and tidy language in the world and in the church as it is. I'm willing to lay my life on the gospel. And I know that this bitterness inside of me of thinking that no one else is stems from a wretched sinful heart. But I think at this season in my life, I've got to come to grips with myself and stop running from the calling I've received.
It's hard. Every night I come off a good night spent with family or friends, and I drive back home by myself, I seem to get these thoughts that incessantly torment me. I thank God for I know this is the Holy Spirit convicting and pulling and tugging at me. It's anything but pretty. But I know this is for His glory and for my good so I'm going to run with it.
The next step for me to take is to get confirmation by talking to a few select, older individuals. Pray for my boldness in that.
God, may I never stray from the gospel. I can't. Help me cling to You God. Nothing else satisfies. No one else fulfills. No other created thing can produce joy. Only You can. Forgive this bitter heart and lead me to repentance Father for I'm such a disgusting sinner. Lead me to the cross. I can't boast in anything else. Help me. Help us.
-Jon
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