"Stuck."

You're not too far for Him. You're not too far.

“Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here”
-Switchfoot

You could say that I've been "stuck." To be honest, looking for work is hard and largely discouraging. And perhaps the reason why this month has been littered with apathy and laziness is because I've forgotten what I really want, what the goal is (ultimately), and how I plan to get there. So I was walking back to my room (where I am now) and wondering why is it that I'm running so far from what I believed God's led me to do, I decided to ask myself "What is it that I'm doing? What do ultimately I want? Why am I even doing this seminary thing for the mDiv to do ministry forever?" "What's the plan Jon?" "Do you have one?"

Initially I was scared by these questions. They're a little too poignant to be comfortable. I was scared it'd take a while to figure it out too. Yet, it didn't take long. I looked through some highlights of my last 5 years of life (thanks facebook) and it was actually a recent post that led me to this song and stirred my mind and heart again for what exactly is my passion: I want MEN to be made ALIVE in Jesus. Youth-aged, college, young adult, older guys. MEN. It's not that I don't want women to know Jesus. It's just that something in me hurts and excites at the idea of men coming to know the gospel, being set free from the law of sin and death, and living out grace as part of a community that counts their lives as nothing for the sake of the gospel. Like when I pray that God would save in might and power, the faces that come to mind are those of men.

I don't know how long it'll take for me to grow up and finally stop running from responsibility. In a sense, the people I want to take the gospel to the most is people like me: Average guys that sin a lot and need the gospel to set them free from themselves. Guys who struggle with the idea of "being somebody." Guys who put on the bravado of strength but on the inside struggle with loneliness. Guys who constantly run from responsibility because they're afraid to fail and thus lose respect for themselves. My testimony is basically that Jesus has gone to dramatic and costly lengths to clearly demonstrate that God loves average guys like me. I know that every day in class, in the business world, on are facebooks, are countless men who need to know this God and they simply don't. And it hurts that they can't see it.

I didn't realize that I'd be moved so deeply by this song. I don't even think I could articulate why it just moved me so much during that bridge, yet it kinda spurred this post. Somehow.

[Guys, you’ve heard stories of redemption. For some of you, you’ve heard many. But maybe “forgiveness is right where you fell.” Maybe to you, forgiveness is for other people but NOT you (“For the next guy who has his life more together than me”). Maybe to you, forgiveness just isn’t the proper response given with the sins and mistakes you’ve committed. Maybe you cant respect a God who freely forgives sins for free. Please hear me in saying that the whole point of Christianity is that Christ bore the justice you deserved and that you were bought with a price. It wasn’t free for Jesus. Justice wasn’t thwarted or forgotten about. God HATES sin and He “will by no means clear the guilty.” You better believe that blood was spilt. But the good news is that it’s not yours. That’s the message of the cross. Don’t let your pride say your sin is greater than God’s grace. You’re not that big or strong. Find freedom in losing hope in yourself and your own “try harder” strategies. They’ve never worked. They never will. “Repent and believe” the gospel. It’s really good news for sinners like us.]

Average dude, sinner, bought with a price, to His glory,
-Jon

My prayer

Father, stir my heart to care again. Help me stop looking at myself and my next steps so much so that I can't even see the people around me. Help me start to pray again for the lost people in my life that simply don't know You. Help me in some way approach and love people the way that Jesus did. It's so hard not to be overcome by the fear of failure in doing what the world tells me I ought to be doing. Help me recognize the authority of Your word over all the other voices coming at me. Help me see the way I used to. Help me wake up preaching Colossians 3 to myself again. Help me get back to the place where I cried for my friends who ditched church. Help me get back to the place where I begged that you'd save my friends who desperately needed Jesus.