Week 2 Update

As it's nearing the end of week #2, all I can say is that God is good, the gospel of Jesus is powerful, and there's much work left here to do.

It's a crazy thing that as a super senior I think I have it all figured out ... at least what college is and what to expect ... only to see more of my pride, more of my unbelief, and more of my own self-dependence and cowardice. Heh, God's been pinning the word "IDENTITY" back into my world and at first glance I think I already got it ... I've heard the sermons, listened to Lecrae's song about it (shout it and prayers go out for Him and the ministry God's given him), but I'm finding my heart wanting to drift to so many other things to base my identity off of. Whether it's on the good side or the bad side of the spectrum, this is the state of my heart. He's still working it out ... that the gospel is something I still very much need to sanctify me.

On another note, if you glance at this, pray for courage and energy. I may sound old for saying this but I find myself spiritually tired ... in that I just find myself wanting to push away from gospel intentionality. I just want to be alone sometimes, just want to read a book (sometimes even my Bible) to get away from investing in people's lives and getting in their mess. Sometimes I want to just do religious things to run from that discomfort of engaging in mission and obedience. Honestly, I just find myself not wanting to do it anymore. "I've poured so much" is what I hear myself saying and I just need prayer to not believe the lie that I've finished my course here at Baylor. Truth is, there are multitudes of people who have never heard the gospel here at Baylor, countless who still think Christianity is just about being moral people, and so many more who are bitter against the church. And sometimes, it overwhelms me ... almost into despair that things wont change, hearts wont be transformed, and people wont ever "get it."

That was a little more honest than I wanted to be with this post but that's where I am sometimes.

Heh.

It's an interesting thing. In the end, God saves, God transforms, God will be the glorious one, not me.

Jesus, call your sheep by name. Some are so lost. I feel guilty and sometimes helpless when I see it, so help me with my unbelief. Open up my hands to speak and my hands to serve in love. Don't let me believe the father of lies and his pathetic words. I just want You to take off here. Inflame my heart for it. Thank You for the cross, for purchasing me with Your blood, for bringing in the new covenant that grants life. Thank You that came to rescue sinners.
-Jon

"How was your summer?"

So I'll be heading back up to waco in a week as school starts a little less than 2 weeks from now ... And it's got me thinking how I'll answer that question of "How was your summer?" And in the past I've thought about such questions and the opportunity for them to advance the gospel. And I don't want this last round of those questions for me (yay last semester in college!) to be wasted.

It's an interesting thing. Heh, seriously though ... I somewhat still can't believe all that's happened and where God's placed me this summer. I honestly just don't know how it all turned out the way it did. How this got closed and that got opened and such. Ha, I still don't really know where I am yet and what God's been doing in me. I'd attempt to try to blog it out (which would help sort things) but should you read this, just pray that God would give me rich thoughts this week ... that He would minister to me and encourage me to look towards Christ above all, that my eyes would be fixed on Him and the things above. There's a ton that God's been working on in me this summer and I can't believe how patient He is with my unbelief and stubbornness to trust Him. I just don't want to assume the gospel anymore in how I speak and live. Maybe we can do this together fam. Pray that God would help us sort through how to answer that question for His glory, for the advancement of the name of Jesus and the good news of His death and resurrection for the joy of all.

God, let me not assume the gospel through what I say and do. If the invitation really is free and the celebration feast that awesome, I don't want to cower in fear. Open opportunities, open conversations. Help me see that You are Lord of ALL things and all realms of my life and not just some. Thank You for being mighty to save, for pursuing a wayward bride such as us, for not letting us go, for ensuring us that You're not far by the blood of Christ. Oh, help us want You more than our sin. You're so much better. Help us Father. Thank you for this journey you've had me on and for giving opportunity to declare your gospel already. Nothing is hidden when you see me, yet that you would let me go to work with You. Thank you for your grace. Keep pruning. Keep saving me.