My Cry

We are so broken. I don't know what other word would describe it better. Broken. We're more broken than we know. We're so stained with the filth of our past. So scarred. There's so much baggage we carry. We're so desperately broken. Point us to that cross Father. Please. God, grant repentance that leads to life. We've made other things and other people our source of joy and life and by grace You're taking these things and having them self-destruct in our faces ... whatever they may be. Be our all-satisfaction God. You're enough. You're worth it. You're worth it. You're life. You're our chief end. You're our prize. You're our reward. You're the good news.

Encourage this weary, tired soul. Sometimes I just don't want to believe that only You save and only You can transform hearts. It'd be so much easier if I could do a checklist of things to accomplish this or that but this is not how You crafted it. So in the midst of my doubt, anxiety, and vast unbelief, Father, hear my cry to call these people to Yourself for Your namesake. Show off Your power in transforming hearts. If I'm honest, I just feel like it's all so hopeless ... That there's no way. Please father, humiliate me with a demonstration of Your power.

Glorify Yourself Father. Hear my cry.

Become/Becoming

High School Junior Jon once said in a small group: "I'm afraid of the man I'm becoming" ... almost 4 years later I ask myself: Who have I become? Who am I becoming?

Hiding Behind the Curtain of Religion

I was dozing on and off (and I got more rest than usual! gahhh!) in my philosophy and religion class today and the topic was the existence of evil and the implications of that with the existence of God. It got me thinking and recalling some of the things I had learned in a book I have called "The Reason for God" by Tim Keller. After looking through the chapter on suffering (I think I'll have fun with the paper that's due sometime soon ...), I began flipping through the pages and came across a profound truth from looking at the story of Jekyll and Hyde (it's blowing my mind right now) but as I kept reading I saw this underlined section:

"Sin and evil are self-centeredness and pride that lead to oppression against others but there are two forms of this. One form is being very bad and breaking all the rules, and the other form is being very good and keeping all the rules and becoming self-righteous. There are two ways to be your own Savior and Lord. The first is by saying, "I am going to live my life the way I want." The second is described by Flannery O'Connor, who wrote about one of her characters, Hazel Motes, that "he knew that the best way to avoid Jesus was to avoid sin." If you are avoiding sin and living morally so that god will have to bless and save you, then ironically, you may be looking to Jesus as a teacher, model, and helper but you are avoiding him as Savior. You are trusting in your own goodness rather than in Jesus for your standing with god. You are trying to save yourself by following Jesus."

I forget who said that "religion can be the very thing we use to run away from God" ... but I think if I'm honest, I have been running ... and I guess, by grace, I'm running out of gas.

I wrote a paper last year titled "Easier to Run," titled after a Linkin Park song of all things haha. It still holds true. I've been hiding behind the curtain of my religiosity. And as much as I use my theology to cover it up and justify my religion by saying how "Christocentric" and "Gospel-centered" this and that is, in the end, I'm using the name of Jesus to justify my sin in order to avoid him at all costs. "The best way to avoid Jesus is to avoid sin ... [I'm] trying to save [myself] by following Jesus." Jesus, save me from me. Tear the veil that I try my damnedest to hide behind.

"And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed."
-John 3:19-20

Beautiful Name

I don't know how this all will turn out.
But I'm seeing more and more how beautiful is the name of Jesus.

Help me God, I don't trust You in this.

God, guard my heart against the bitterness of the feeling of subtle betrayal. Don't let this creep into more sin.

I'm such a coward. I'm gripped with fear and my insecurities chain me. My unbelief is robbing me from life. Jesus help me. Empower me. Help me imitate Paul as he imitated Christ:

"And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God."
-2 Corinthians 2:3-5