The Pains of Sanctification, and Religion (Again!?)

I never had a picture of Christianity be this raw. What I mean by that is ... Never have my sheltered eyes been exposed to the reality of "all or nothing" to the extent it is now. It's a struggle but the beauty of it all is when a broken world and the wickedness in humanity clashes with Jesus and the cross. It's not a pretty site. Jesus really wasn't that excited about getting nails hammered into his hands and feet and having the wrath of God poured out on him. He sweat drops of blood and was overwhelmed with sorrow "to the point of death". When I see the raw, reality of the world we live in and how the cross of Christ absolutely collides with it and overcomes it, this is what stirs in me some kind of testosterone-filled angst and violent zeal and produces tears at the same time. This is what implants some kind of fire in my chest that wants to explode out. This is what completely unravels me. This is what makes me feel an unbelievably heavy weight that sinks my heart. This is what produces worship of a holy, righteous, majestic God.

I'm learning a little bit more each day what the word "holy" means. It's painful. It hurts when I'm confronted with my sinfulness and how my wicked and rebellious self could even be in the same room as a holy, righteous God, whose very presence should kill me. The more God unveils the gap, the more I see that gaping disconnect, the more I see how Christ 100% bridged it and reconciled it ... That in response to my offense He endured the cross, substituting his righteousness for my sin, bearing sin's punishment in my place. This is grace. This is the means to repent. This is our means for worship. Nothing else. But why does my heart wander from this so freakin' often? Why? There is nothing but this right? Why do I keep running to other things? It's this stupidity in man that hasn't ever changed. I would always laugh when reading one of the prophets in scripture. I'd think "these people are so freaking retarded. Repent for God's sake! This is where the raw-ness of scripture collides with my pride. This is where scripture isn't merely something read but something that reads me like ... well ... a book (heh). I'm that idolater. I'm that adulterer. I'm that liar. I'm that sinner. I'm that pharisee that needs to repent of my own righteousness and goodness. Sometimes the way I do life in defeat really reflects that I'm no different than the sadducee. But what messes me all up and blows this whole thing up is that by the cross of Christ, I am deemed righteous, in right standing before a holy, perfect God whose very presence should incinerate my helplessly wicked estate. So I am an adulter; I am a thief; but I'm at the same time, I'm not any of these things at all, solely because of the cross of Christ. This is "God is love." Not your cutesy "I like you, you like me, let's hold hands and giggle a lot" love. This is cross enduring, unlimited patience showing, jealous, violent pursuit of a God for His people. This is what I mean by raw. Ain't no games anymore.

The danger in my life thus far is this: I'm afraid that I can continually adapt and learn the language of humility, the cross of Christ, the character and nature of God, etc., and not actually walk, breathe, and wrestle with it. In other words, the thing I war against, the thing that frustrates me the most is the very thing that confronts me daily: Religion. Funny how a year from now, God sent me to the older brother only to show me that I'm the very person God has called me to proclaim Christ to. To latch onto my previous post ... What is really going on in Jon Lau's heart? Self-examination ... Why do I keep running from it?

The thing with sanctification is that no one really told me that it'd hurt like this ... ha. Like, I guess it was assumed that "being made holy" would entail the imperfections of our flesh being stripped more and more each day and in turn being restored with the perfection of the Spirit. I mean to some small degree I knew this but I didn't know how brutal this process would be. The more you grow up and "life beats things out of you" (Chandler), you begin to see that life ain't no game anymore. Some continue to play, but they never find joy. I remember muttering "Ain't no more games; this is life;" sometime during World Changers. Religion has always been the most dangerous game to play. By His grace alone God will continue to save me out of it.

The Heart

The question I have to come face to face with daily is "What is going on in my heart?"

This is where we gotta start if we do in fact take Jesus seriously in the Bible because he's always always brutally going after it. It's a simple question but I think I'm too afraid for what God will expose if I constantly ask this question. But I must ask it and scripture seems to always ask this of me. To not do so would just be running away in cowardice and fear. The tendency is always for me to busy myself or try to justify myself with doing "good things," but that can't be right if the message of the cross was that we can't ever be good enough and that Jesus substituted his righteousness with our sin (and its just punishment) on the cross. To try to do more quiet times, help out more at church, tithe more, etc., in an effort to justify ourselves because of that deep dark feeling that something is wrong at the core of our being, would mean that "Christ died for nothing" (Galatians 2:21)! So ... what is really going on in my heart?

Somehow over the years, I've ran from the necessary biblical practice of self-examination and have thus turned to practicality and religion. It's the most ironic thing sometimes ... How I can use religion to run from God. And something inside me tells me I'm deep in this more than I know/want to acknowledge and come to terms with. So the question remains.

"What is really going on in your heart?"
-Before we busy ourselves with whatever it is we do, we've got to ask ourselves this. God help us.

Apathy

I'm finding that it's the morally neutral things that most often rob me of my joy in Christ.

Last week during World Changers, I was trying to teach my cousins and a younger youth some basic calculus for fun ... since they all ranged from middle school to 10th grade (and let it be known that I'm not gifted in mathematics in any way but for some reason I have fun teaching the math I do know). I didn't plan it, but I was trying to equip them by teaching some life lessons to go along with me teaching them basic calculus. Of all I remember teaching, the main word/idea/thing (that they somewhat forgot) that I was warning against was apathy.

I've been learning some of the deeper rooted things that I've found that rob me of my joy in Christ. It's what produces boredom, laziness, and something in the core of my heart that says "I was meant to live for so much more" and "there must be more than this." The following words have been what I've found the deeper issues to be. They all relate to one another:
Apathy, complacency, Lukewarm-ness, religiosity, cowardly fear, mistrust in God

Father, Would you stir my affections toward You? Would you stir in my heart an yearning, insatiable thirst for Your scriptures? Would you put to death my apathy and laziness. Would you breathe a violent, zeal to please You ... to bring You glory? Help me Father. Help us.


-It's not shown here, but during World Changers, God granted me one of the most beautiful pictures of the gospel. Luke 18:9-14 has been a text that has been plaguing my life the past month or two and it's almost like God showed it right before my eyes as my fellow brother in Christ could not even look up. Bowed before a cross, with face planted to the ground between his knees, all he could do was cry out for mercy. Amen.

Prayer (from Philippians).

I will be partnering in the gospel with a group of about 60+ other members/youth of my church to go on missions in Little Rock, Arkansas for the next week. We're going to be doing this through "World Changers."

Please pray for the 60+ of us from CBC participating in World Changers this year. Pray for all involved, all ministered to, etc. Pray that we'd have the humility of Christ this week. It's going to be a tough, scorching hot week. Pray that we would be "firm in one spirit, with one mind, striving side by side for the faith of the gospel, and not frightened in anything by [our] opponents" (Philippians 1:27-28).

"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."
-Philippians 2:1-11

All or Nothing (Revisited)

It's weird to how God's working on me in this season of life. He's opening my eyes, ears (heh ironic), and heart to a bigger view of life. That's so ambiguous but ... It's one thing to always focus on the micro level of life (you, what you see, who's around you) vs. the macro level (the world, what you don't see, who's out there on the opposite side of your setting) ... And how Jesus collides with this world of ours. It's easy to get lost in this secular worldview but thank God for God.

And as much as God has been stretching me and breaking me, the question I'm always left to face with is a foundational one.

This past year of college, God has planted in me this phrase ... "All or nothing." It's translated into a lot of things ... "You either hit or miss," "Win or go home," etc. I've blogged, preached, etc., on it a little bit in the past but I'm revisiting it ... And I think I will continue to do so for the rest of my life.

I've been reading the book of Acts for myself ... And on top of that going through Philippians with a group of brothers as well. The one thing I keep resounding the whole time in Paul's voice, in the apostles' voices is a tone of genuine, passionate urgency and a preaching that is unapologetically all or nothing. There is no life outside of what they do. Sure they're persecuted, arrested, mocked, rivaled against, betrayed, confused, etc., but it always ends with something along the lines of "Then they left the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the name" (Acts 5:41). I crave for this type of life.

This whole Jesus thing, I don't possibly see how there can be some kinda compromise or decision in between. You're either betting your entire life on it or you are not. You can try to do both but in the end that falters. This is where you get religion, aka moral behavioral modifications with Jesus' name attached to it.

God's really planted a certain, very serious urgency in me right now. It's a mess. My emotions range way too far from one spectrum to the other even for me. It gets to a point where I can't even walk away from movies without having my heart stirred or grieved in some way. It's gotten to a point where I just feel distant from my peers. It's gotten to a point where I don't even fear death. I can say that with all genuineness. I wanna be selfish and say that this is only me and to be honest I don't know if it is or isn't. Most of those around me I'm sure can tell I'm in a weird learning season of life but don't get this same urgency that I'm wrestling through.

All or nothing. There's no in between. Hot or cold. There's no lukewarm. Jesus or no Jesus. Religion is Christ-less. Life or death.

Am I the only one in this??? I don't know what to do other than to pray for boldness to speak up for what I know God's put in me to say to my peers.

All I know is that nothing tastes as good as before. Nothing pleasures or satisfies like it used to. Just talking sociologically, everyone seems to be chasing something or someone and no matter what happens, it feels like we hit a ceiling and we're confused because we feel like we should be able to go beyond it. We feel like we should be able to get over the sun but we can't. There's got to be more than this. There's got to be. So everyone really is on some savior search. It doesn't matter whether we've grown up in church or not. Everyone is searching for someone or something to get to that point but I think that the tragic true story is that most continue to blindly run this route of life, constantly frustrated with their inability to get over that hump that they feel they were created for.

Here's something I read in Acts earlier this morning. It's towards the end of Paul's sermon to the congregation at Antioch (In Pisidia, not the the Antioch in Syria where the phrase "Christian" was first used). It was preached on a Sabbath day after the readings of the Law and the Prophets. The rulers of the synagogue asked Paul and his companions "Brothers, if you have any word of encouragement for the people, say it." ...

"For David, after he had served the purpose of God in his own generation, fell asleep and was laid with his fathers and saw corruption, but he whom God raised up did not see corruption. Let it be known to you therefore, brothers, that through this man forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you, and by him everyone who believes is freed from everything from which you could not be freed by the law of Moses. Beware, therefore, lest what is said in the Prophets come about: 'Look, you scoffers, be astounded and perish; for I am doing a work in your days, a work that you will not believe, even if one tells it to you.' As they went out, the people begged that these things might be told them the next Sabbath. And after the meeting of the synagogue broke up, many Jews and devout converts to Judaism followed Paul and Barnabas, who, as they spoke with them, urged them to continue in the grace of God. The next Sabbath almost the whole city gathered to hear the word of the Lord."
-Acts 13:36-44

The stories and lives of the apostles and leaders of the first churches has been my most consistent comfort these past 2 weeks. I'm thankful that God has grown in me a love for the scriptures. I'd pray that He'd continue to do so and to seek to see what they mean. I can no longer preach and talk of what I don't know for myself. I've got to "work out my own salvation with fear and trembling."

I know pride lies deep within me. I'm praying that God would continue to expose it.

Love you all BASIC. May we continue in the grace of God. God help us.
-Jon