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"The good, bad, ugly, Lord use it. I just want You to be glorified through it." -Andy Mineo

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

All or Nothing (Revisited)

It's weird to how God's working on me in this season of life. He's opening my eyes, ears (heh ironic), and heart to a bigger view of life. That's so ambiguous but ... It's one thing to always focus on the micro level of life (you, what you see, who's around you) vs. the macro level (the world, what you don't see, who's out there on the opposite side of your setting) ... And how Jesus collides with this world of ours. It's easy to get lost in this secular worldview but thank God for God.

And as much as God has been stretching me and breaking me, the question I'm always left to face with is a foundational one.

This past year of college, God has planted in me this phrase ... "All or nothing." It's translated into a lot of things ... "You either hit or miss," "Win or go home," etc. I've blogged, preached, etc., on it a little bit in the past but I'm revisiting it ... And I think I will continue to do so for the rest of my life.

I've been reading the book of Acts for myself ... And on top of that going through Philippians with a group of brothers as well. The one thing I keep resounding the whole time in Paul's voice, in the apostles' voices is a tone of genuine, passionate urgency and a preaching that is unapologetically all or nothing. There is no life outside of what they do. Sure they're persecuted, arrested, mocked, rivaled against, betrayed, confused, etc., but it always ends with something along the lines of "Then they left the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the name" (Acts 5:41). I crave for this type of life.

This whole Jesus thing, I don't possibly see how there can be some kinda compromise or decision in between. You're either betting your entire life on it or you are not. You can try to do both but in the end that falters. This is where you get religion, aka moral behavioral modifications with Jesus' name attached to it.

God's really planted a certain, very serious urgency in me right now. It's a mess. My emotions range way too far from one spectrum to the other even for me. It gets to a point where I can't even walk away from movies without having my heart stirred or grieved in some way. It's gotten to a point where I just feel distant from my peers. It's gotten to a point where I don't even fear death. I can say that with all genuineness. I wanna be selfish and say that this is only me and to be honest I don't know if it is or isn't. Most of those around me I'm sure can tell I'm in a weird learning season of life but don't get this same urgency that I'm wrestling through.

All or nothing. There's no in between. Hot or cold. There's no lukewarm. Jesus or no Jesus. Religion is Christ-less. Life or death.

Am I the only one in this??? I don't know what to do other than to pray for boldness to speak up for what I know God's put in me to say to my peers.

All I know is that nothing tastes as good as before. Nothing pleasures or satisfies like it used to. Just talking sociologically, everyone seems to be chasing something or someone and no matter what happens, it feels like we hit a ceiling and we're confused because we feel like we should be able to go beyond it. We feel like we should be able to get over the sun but we can't. There's got to be more than this. There's got to be. So everyone really is on some savior search. It doesn't matter whether we've grown up in church or not. Everyone is searching for someone or something to get to that point but I think that the tragic true story is that most continue to blindly run this route of life, constantly frustrated with their inability to get over that hump that they feel they were created for.

Here's something I read in Acts earlier this morning. It's towards the end of Paul's sermon to the congregation at Antioch (In Pisidia, not the the Antioch in Syria where the phrase "Christian" was first used). It was preached on a Sabbath day after the readings of the Law and the Prophets. The rulers of the synagogue asked Paul and his companions "Brothers, if you have any word of encouragement for the people, say it." ...

"For David, after he had served the purpose of God in his own generation, fell asleep and was laid with his fathers and saw corruption, but he whom God raised up did not see corruption. Let it be known to you therefore, brothers, that through this man forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you, and by him everyone who believes is freed from everything from which you could not be freed by the law of Moses. Beware, therefore, lest what is said in the Prophets come about: 'Look, you scoffers, be astounded and perish; for I am doing a work in your days, a work that you will not believe, even if one tells it to you.' As they went out, the people begged that these things might be told them the next Sabbath. And after the meeting of the synagogue broke up, many Jews and devout converts to Judaism followed Paul and Barnabas, who, as they spoke with them, urged them to continue in the grace of God. The next Sabbath almost the whole city gathered to hear the word of the Lord."
-Acts 13:36-44

The stories and lives of the apostles and leaders of the first churches has been my most consistent comfort these past 2 weeks. I'm thankful that God has grown in me a love for the scriptures. I'd pray that He'd continue to do so and to seek to see what they mean. I can no longer preach and talk of what I don't know for myself. I've got to "work out my own salvation with fear and trembling."

I know pride lies deep within me. I'm praying that God would continue to expose it.

Love you all BASIC. May we continue in the grace of God. God help us.
-Jon

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