Jesus and us young guys.

At the end of the day, having stripped away all the theologies and the record of all that "I" have accomplished, I've just got to see and understand who this Jesus is. I've only caught glimpses and if it's wrecked my life this much for joy, how jacked up in joy could I possibly be if I actually stop wasting my time chasing after empty things that will only leave me empty and instead pursue Jesus to get more Jesus?

One thing I notice about me and my generation of young Christian men thinking of entering full-time vocational ministry and the direction we're headed ... is that we're lured oh soooo subtlely into chasing man's approval over everlasting satisfaction. Of course we've been around enough Christians to know how to dodge that accusation but I can't help but feel myself soo enamored at the thought of being thought of as someone great. It's like Genesis 11:4 all over again where the thought of being thought of as a great theological mind, or a great speaker, or a great evangelist or w/e it is with us that makes our hearts turn God from being the end to which we strive for to becoming the means to get something else. All of us young guys are turning guys like Piper and Driscoll and Chandler into our idols ... And if you're not reading/listening to them, then you're not as good as me ... That's the mentality I feel looming around us young guys considering ministry ... Where we separate people who have completed reading Desiring God from guys who haven't ... And all the sudden you have a lot of us trying to preach like Chandler or Driscoll in contexts that make no sense. I've struggled with this the moment I was exposed to Godly men such as the ones I've named and my flesh continually wrestles with this even after God's beat the idea of "Christian Hollywood" out of my brains these past 2 years.

I've found it humiliating how often the longings of my heart are bent towards wanting people's admiration as opposed to chasing Christ alone as the ends to which everything else is a means ... It reminds me of Jesus' teachings on how to pray and fast ... how he cautions "And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward" (Matthew 6:5) and again "And when you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward" (Matthew 6:16). Ministry is one of the most dangerous covers for using God to get His stuff. Jesus rebukes this train of thought and instead instructs to pray and fast to "your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you." The question this text begs for us is whether or not we do all the ministry stuff only when we're on stage and people are watching. Even our reading of the Bible or other books or listening to sermons can be wrongly targeted for the sole purpose of being able to teach/preach well instead of relishing in the presence of God himself. What a danger. I'm scared for us ... and what Jesus might say to us who do religious things to get God's stuff instead of God (Matthew 7:21-23).

God's killing this "Christian hollywood" nonsense in me and I feel like He's beat a heck of a lot of it out but there's still a lot of junk left. There's just this lure that smells sooooo good and looks soooo good but in the end leads to death. For whatever reason, the realm of ministry doesn't magically negate us from following line for line like Genesis 3. It was a foolish thing to think it did. Our only hope is God's response to our offense ... Jesus, thank you for enduring the cross. Help us.

... Get it Lecrae:

"I know I tell lies I know I do dirt
Apart from you I'm nothing but you can give me worth
I don't know if I know you But still I know I should
I know the days are evil and only you are Good
Ive come to this conclusion I would like to change
cause all the worlds money and fame cannot sustain
I know that I should turn but thats the hardest thang
cause do I really feel that havin' Jesus is my gain
the world is so tempting Satan is a beast
he hypnotizes my eyes to say the least
But Jesus be my treasure to know you is live
and I am here dying trying everything there is
All I need here is you help me turn away from sin
Lord give me grace to turn away and the fear not to give in
I know that I'm not perfect but if I could rest in Him
I know I don't deserve it but still I'll take your hand
Lord let me take your hand"
-"Breathin' To Death" by Lecrae