"eh" topic.

Think we're afraid about the topic of death because if we were honest, deep down, we know that we all deserve it. truth is, most of us college kids think that we're indestructible b/c (by grace) we haven't been hit by the reality of death as some of our peers have. Sure we've seen its ugly head take some whom we love ... but the reality for most of us is that (by grace) those closest to us, our family, peers, etc., are still alive and well and we just don't know what it's like. But for those who have dealt with this reality, you know that they know that the penalty of sin is very much still going on ... they've seen it, they've been at the front pews after the funeral service; they've put the flower on the coffin before saying goodbye. They've been the car ride where nothing in that moment can seem to alleviate the pain. They've been in that room where everything reminds them of that someone whom they'll never seen again. And they've gone to the class that is towards their career path but they can't think about anything else but memories of that loved one.

The arrogance of our pre-adult age wants to avoid the reality that it's coming for us. I know for myself it's true and man ... i don't want to waste my life. i tell myself "eh, i've got time" but does my Christianese self really believe that every breath i breathe is a blood-bought gift? I do whole-heartedly believe that I've got a number of years left to go hard, but I have to confess that somehow my pride in this subject reveals that I think He owes me every breath I take. Every one. I start asking ridiculous questions like "God, why am I finding it so hard to breathe right now? How come my body wont let me keep going? I've got 3 more games of basketball to play."

Man, only got one life. I pray that I'd get what Paul's saying in Phil. 1:21. Christ be my treasure. Home is what I'm after but if you have more for me here, help me not waste it.

Sometimes I forget that for God to take my life right now (like f'real right now), He wouldn't be any less loving, any less good, any less worthy of praise. He'd just be just. But He does give me life. And I don't deserve it. Why would He do that?