"Recovery"

Haven't written one of those long posts in a while. Here it goes:

I haven't been as good at this as in the arena of music, but I've learned to try to get as many things that stir my heart for the beauty of Christ around me as possible. And one of those things is angst-y music.

Last Friday, July 18, Eminem came out with his new album "Recovery." I've been giving it a couple of listens and there's something going on in it whenever I hear him spit what's really on his heart. I know that like 95% of my circle of Christian friends would not even be able to listen to more than the first two tracks of Em's album without going "ew" or "geez, Jon, this isn't healthy for you man" or just be overwhelmed with the profanity in the songs. Ya, he does drop more f-words and "Mature-rated" lyrics than most of our Christian community is comfortable with. I get the warning and I take it with sincere caution because there are songs I myself just skip now ... but ya. The title of his album, "Recovery" started as a project to be a sequel of a previous album, but he changed the title, not particularly stating in an interview why, but probably to just let the music answer that question. I haven't listened to it a lot but from what I can take of what I've heard, as well as previous background I knew of Eminem, he's been in a weird cycle of emotions in the past years. With past songs talking about rivalry amongst other artists, his childhood with no father and an abusive step-father and confused young woman as his mother, and his responsibilities as a father to his daughter Haley, it's clear from the beginning of the album that Eminem isn't as playful in this album with his usual "Slim-Shady" self. Don't get me wrong, he makes plenty of sexual curse word usage in the first track, but out of the gate is a ridiculous amount of rage. I later find out that at age 37, Em is being tossed around with the weight of having to deal with his wife trying to leave him (by divorce I think), while he is trying to make it work, along with the struggle of fighting to be a good dad for his daughter. All the while he continues to struggle with identity, loneliness, and constant questioning of who he is and how he avoids mirrors to avoid coming to grips with who he's become. In the second track he begins to question if he's the only one that gets what he's saying and though his pride doesn't allow him to readily ask for help, he cries it in the chorus.

"Is anybody out there?
It feels like I'm talkin to myself
No one seems to know my struggle
And everything I come from
Can anybody hear me?
I guess I keep talkin to myself
It feels like I'm going insane
Am I the one who's crazy?"
-"Talkin 2 Myself"

Upon pondering why it is that listening to music that talks about pain, anguish, brokenness, broken relationships, oppression, injustice, and hurt stir my heart towards Christ, I realize that somewhere in the lyrics that talk about the effed-up-ness of everyday life, I realize that there is something that connects with my soul that is empathetic and knows that familiar feeling. And I know that it's a universal cry that the world gets too. Everyone gets it ... from the poorest of the poor to the richest of America. And every time I hear that agony, that pain, something whispers and nudges me "this is the brokenness that Christ came into the world to restore." Of the millions of stories of the kid that grew up with no dad, a single-mom working 3 jobs to provide for him and his brothers and sisters, and the stories of full-grown adults still not knowing what to do with life's biggest questions, to the songs that echo the cry "is there any hope" for the poor and starving on the other side of the globe, ... It all reminds me in a very real, ground level way of the reality of the effects of the fall. Right when man fell, the rest of the Bible goes on and on to tell what the fracture of shalom due to sin caused ... Right after the sin of Adam and eve, the first thing you see is bloodshed ... bloodshed of animals to provide for their clothing, the introduction of murder into history between Cain, and Abel ... and the more you read the more you see that when man fell, no matter how hard we tried, we could never do enough to repair that broken relationship with God. No matter how high we build, we always fall short and only do evil continually.

"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie, I love the way you lie, I love the way you lie"
-"Love The Way You Lie" by Eminem, Album: "Recovery"

When I hear Em spit grotesque, graphic lyrics like this, something in my soul goes "Ya, isn't this the reality of the world we live in?" When I hear that lead singer of a heavy rock band screaming his lungs out, there's that sense of absolute longing that we all can relate to as humanity. We get it. At the end of the day, when God graces us with silence and we hear nothing but our own thoughts, we get this. We get what Em is spitting.

"For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies."
-Romans 8:19-23

Music is one of the main passions I have. It moves me, stirs me, etc., and having the gospel transform the way it affects me, I don't think I can yet articulate exactly why angst-filled music does this to me. I've attempted to explain why and how it does and something in me still longs like I can't ... but I do know that whenever I listen to angst-filled music, a couple of things move in this direction:
1) It humbles me with the truth that we have failed to keep the law and that if we are ever to attain the righteousness required to have shalom again (beautiful harmony in relationship with God), it's going to take something more than the works of our hands
2) by grace, it'll lead me to remember the good news of the God-man, Jesus Christ, the one who lived the perfect life we couldn't, our righteousness, the fulfillment of the law we couldn't keep, who died the death that God would have been just in in giving over to us.
3) If by grace I understand the gospel, (and quite often I don't), it pushes me to mission. Though I'm still very much a coward, it does push me to go to places I wouldn't normally go to, hang with people I wouldn't normally hang with, meet people that aren't like me, just get to know them, build relationships with them, etc., because I'm not naive enough to think that just because I'm at baylor, there aren't people like this all around me. It's not a stretch at all for the very people I live with to be this, my neighbors to be this, the guys I ball with at the rec to be this, the people at church, my fellowship group, my classmates, my teachers, the workers in the cafeteria, the poor people that often take advantage of rich baylor kids' money.

Father, guard me from taking counsel from those who don't know You. By listening to real people's lives put to music, lead me more to the beauty and "It is finished-ness" of the cross. May it lead me to more of You and push me to more joy-filled obedience through mission. I want You. You're the goal. Help me never take my eyes off the goal. Grant me grace in all of this. Save this world from themselves. Break down souls, show them there is hope in You. Father save them. Jesus call your sheep by name. Holy Spirit open up their eyes, ears, and heart to the power of this gospel of Jesus.