Random musings #2309

If only I could have the courage to receive the love of God in Jesus Christ.

"With much wisdom comes much vexation"

"If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy, I can only conclude I was not made for here."

To live is to risk.

Sometimes I don't ever want to preach another sermon. And then it'll take me about a week before I realize that I can't not do it.

Deep down I ask the question "why me?" a lot.

I do this weird thing when I'm in public where I just start to wonder what strangers would conclude about me based on how I present myself. #Insecurity

Sometimes God's grace and mercy feels rather cruel and cold but I know it's still gracious and merciful.

Strangely encouraged but I think I might have the gift of hospitality (it's not only limited to having people over to your house). Though I think this was evidenced during the 505 days.

I have come to meet a host of unique, hilarious, Christ-exalting people. I know the reality is that I may not see some of you ever again but somehow I know we're still in this together. You inspire me and excite me on how you're pushing back the darkness of this world and making way for the light of Christ.

Moving out here was probably harder than I allowed myself to feel (experience?). I hope that doesn't sound too whatever. But I think this is true.

Adding on to that, moving out here was probably the best thing for me. Sometimes it feels like it's too deliberate in how God brought me out here to expose a lot of my hidden idols and empty cisterns ... I know He's doing this to free me up for more joy in Him. Some days that's evident and some days it's not but I know this is true.

I guess I'm free to write whatever and just be me again. I guess it's freeing to not feel like I have to protect my image. Even though sometimes I wonder who (if anyone) reads this.

I have had to come to grips with the facts that I was hyped during my youth group and college days. It's just the truth especially in regards to ministry. And one of the hardest things I've heard was that maybe I was "over-hyped" (I seriously thought I'd be a "better" preacher, teacher, pastor, Christian by now). Moving here is helping (confronting) me to be okay with not being in the spotlight all the time. I don't have to be the next whomever. I feel like I'm learning that it's okay to run my own race.

You really do learn unique things about God's heart the more you spend time with kids and babies. Especially those awkward middle schoolers.

I still have a heart for the university.

The difference between setting our minds on earth versus above will speak loudly to the idols of our culture.
-What is it that I REALLY want in life? What am I tempted to buy into and chase?

I've learned how much I really do love and appreciate my family ... and how much I would be lost without their support.